1. What is a carpet?
Ans. A pet you keep in your car.

2. What is another name for a cat's home?
Ans. A scratch pad.

3. Why did the clown tell a joke to the eggs?
Ans. He wanted them to crack up.

4. What musical instrument tells the most falsehoods?
Ans. The lyre.

5. Why do you always put on your left shoe last?
Ans. When you put one on the other is left.

6. What kind of house weighs the least?
Ans. A light house.

7. What is a werewolf's favorite song?
Ans. By The Light Of The Silvery Moon.

8. What did one sewing machine say to the other sewing machine?
Ans. Sew long.

9. Where do volkswagons go when they get old?
Ans. To an old volk's home.

10. Why did the Buffalo Bills go to the bank?
Ans. To get their quarter back.

11. What animal has more lives than a cat?
Ans. A frog, it croaks every night.

12. How do spaceship crews say they are sorry?
Ans. They Apollo-gize.

13. What does a moose like on his hot dog?
Ans. Moosetard.

14. What do cows have to help them with their math?
Ans. Cowculators.

15. What do you need to ride a horse after dark?
Ans. A satelite.

16. If an apple a day keeps the doctor away whom do onions keep away?
Ans. Everyone.

17. Where do spies do most of their grocery shopping?
Ans. At the snooper market.

18. How do pigs write?
Ans. With a pigpen.

19. What is the greatest eyesore in a farmyard?
Ans. A pigsty.

20. Why should you never tell secrets to pigs?
Ans. They are squealers.

21. Why did the baby pig eat so much?
Ans. He wanted to make a hog of himself.

22. What has arms and legs but doesn't have a head?
Ans. A chair.

23. What expression is on the face of a Zombie?
Ans. Deadpan.

24. What make it impossible for people standing a few inches apart to touch?
Ans. A door between them.

25. What stays hot no matter how cold it gets?
Ans. Pepper.

26. What does a dog have on top of his house?
Ans. A woof.

27. What do mother mice read in their spare time?
Ans. Good Mouse Keeping.

28. What do you give a sick bird?
Ans. Tweetment.

29. Why did the mother rope scold the baby rope?
Ans. It had been knotty.

30. What do you call a happy Lassie?
Ans. A jolly collie.

31. What did the father snowman say to his son?
Ans. Fasten your sleet belt.

32. You throw away the outside, cook the inside, and eat the outside, throw away the outside what is it?
Ans. Corn on the cob.

33. What food item can never become heavy weight champion of the world?
Ans. A lollipop cause it is always getting licked.

34. Who invented spaghetti?
Ans. Someone who was using his noodle.

35. What does the Easter Bunny call it when he works out?
Ans. Egg-cercize.

36. What did one knee bone say to the other knee bone?
Ans. Let's get out of this joint.

37. What is the favorite ride of the phantom of the amusement park?
Ans. The roller ghoster.

38. Jon left home, made three lefts, turns and when she got home again there were two masked men wating for her. Who were they?
Ans. The catcher and the umpire.

39. What makes a loaf of bread happy?
Ans. Being kneaded.

40. What's black and white and hides in a cellar?
Ans. A zebra with a lot of bills.

41. When did the Irish potato change its nationality?
Ans. When it became French Fried.

42. Why did the little boy take milk and sugar to the movie?
Ans. He heard they had a new serial.

43. Why did the lobster blush?
Ans. He saw the salad dressing.

44. What would you do if you found Chicago Ill?
Ans. Call Baltimore MD.

45. Where would you go to see a man eating fish?
Ans. A seafood restaurant.

46. What animal eats with its tail?
Ans. They all do. They can't take them off.

47. What time is it when an elephant sits on a fence?
Ans. Time to get a new fence.

48. Who delivers baby ghosts?
Ans. Dr. Spook.

49. Why was the shy ghost afraid to go out in public?
Ans. He was short sheeted.

50. Where do ghost like to swim?
Ans. Lake Eerie.

51. What kind of milk do ghosts drink?
Ans. Evaporated milk.

52. What does Sue use to soften her ghostly skin?
Ans. Vanishing cream.

53. Why did the ghost give up singing?
Ans. He was booed.

54. What happened to the three ghosts in a fan factory?
Ans. They were three sheets in the wind.

55. What kind of brides do ghosts make?
Ans. Booful brides.

56. Why did everyone think Pinky was a snob?
Ans. He had such a ghostly manor.

57. What does a ghost like for dessert?
Ans. Ghostess cupcakes.

58. Why is Blinky the ghost so blue?
Ans. He's just a shadow of his former self.

59. Who wrote Pinky the ghost's life story?
Ans. A ghost writer.

60. Why did the ghosts give up acting?
Ans. They got stage fright.

61. What gets bigger when upside down?
Ans. The number 6 cause it becomes 9.

62. Why didn't Casper's sister enter the Miss America contest?
Ans. She knew she wouldn't have a ghost of a chance to win.

63 Me. Green is a six foot tall butcher who wears a size ten shoe so what does he weight?
Ans. Meat.

64. Why is the letter A like a flower?
Ans. A "B" follows it.

65. What two animals go everywhere you go?
Ans. Your calves.

66. How do they put out a fire in a post office?
Ans. They stamp it out.

67. Why did the boy take a hammer to bed?
Ans. He wanted to hit the hay.

68. What follows you all day but leaves you at night?
Ans. Your shadow.

69. Why do gardeners hate weeds?
Ans. If you give them an inch they'll take a yard.

70. Where do horses go on their honeymoon?
Ans. They go to Niagara Stalls.

71. What can float and sink at the same time?
Ans. An egg.

72. What word gets shorter when you add two letters?
Ans. Short gets shorter when you add er.

73. What tree can be burned and still be itself?
Ans. An ash.

74. What do you give a seasick elephant?
Ans. A lot of room.

75. Why do spiders spin webs?
Ans. They can't knit.

76. When is the moon the heaviest?
Ans. When it is full.

77. What did the limestone say to the geologist?
Ans. Stop taking me for granite.

78. Why do tigers live in jungles?
Ans. They can't roam with all the traffic in the city.

79. What kind of clothes lasts the longest?
Ans. Undearwear cause it is never worn out.

80. What colors would you paint the sun and the wind?
Ans. The sun rose and the wind blue.

81. What did the new suitcase say to the old one?
Ans. You're a sad cas.

82. What has four legs but only one foot?
Ans. A bed.

83. What did the prisoners say when the jail flooded?
Ans. Somebody bail us out.

84. Whet is the difference between a hungry man and a glutton?
Ans. One longs to eat and the other eats too long.

85. What business was King Kong in?
Ans. Monkey Business.

86. How does Santa take care of his yard?
Ans. Hoe Hoe Hoe.

87. What is the smallest room in the world?
Ans. Mushroom.

88. Why do birds fly south?
Ans. It is too far to walk.

89. What can't be used until it's broken?
Ans. An egg.

90. When can you catch water in a net?
Ans. When it's an ice cube.

91. What's the difference between a bus driver and a bad cold?
Ans. One knows the stops and the other stops the nose.

92. What steps would you take if you were on a safari and a lion chased you?
Ans. Longest steps possible.

93. If you throw a pebble in the Black Sea what would it become?
Ans. Wet.

94. What kind of ears does and engine have?
Ans. Engineers.

95. Who goes under water and over water but never touches it?
Ans. A woman crossing a river bridge with a pail of water on her head.

96. What does a hen do when she stands on one leg?
Ans. Lifts the other.

97. What is the most disagreeable month for soldiers?
Ans. The long March.

98. What is the difference between here and there?
Ans. The letter t.

99. Who invented the first ship that didn't fly?
Ans. Orville and Wilber Wrong.

100. What's the difference between a small spaceship and a gigantc fly?
Ans. About 10,000 pounds.