1. What is easy to get into but hard to get out of?
Ans. Trouble.

2. Why did the cowboy brush his teeth with gunpowder?
Ans. So he could shoot off his mouth.

3. What would happen if an ice cream cone picked a fight with Jesse James?
As. The ice cream cone would get licked.

4. If a dog would have no nose who would he smell?
Ans. Like a dog.

5. What did one glue say to the other glue?
Ans. Let's stick together.

6. What kind of meat do vampires hate?
Ans. Steak.

7. Why couldn't the man buy a bakery shop?
Ans. He couldn't raise enough dough.

8. What do you call a short sun burned outlaw riding a horse?
Ans. Little Red Riding Hood.

9. What do you call littly bugs that live on the moon?
Ans. Luna-ticks.

10. Where do cows go on a Saturday night?
Ans. To the moo-oo-vies.

11. What is the best way to keep water from running?
Ans. Don't pay the bill.

12. Have you heard the joke about the roof?
Ans. It's over your head.

13. What did one tooth say to the other tooth?
Ans. The dentist is taking me out tonight.

14. What tv shows do potatos watch?
Ans. Mash, Chip, and Roots.

15. Why wouldn't THe sheriff handle the dictionary?
Ans. He heard it had dynamite in it.

16. What did oe arithmetic book say to another arithmetic book?
Ans. Gee I hate problems and have a lot of them.

17. How do you keep a fish from smelling?
Ans. Cut off its nose.

18. Why was Cinderella standing outside the camera shop?
Ans. She was waiting for her prints.

19. When can you jump over three men without getting up?
Ans. In a checker game.

20. What did the grape say to the elephant that stepped on him?
Ans. Nothing he just gave a little whine.

21. What games do ghost children play?
Ans. Peek-a-boo.

22. Why did the basketball coach flood the gym?
Ans. He wanted to send in a sub.

23. What figures do the most walking?
Ans. Roman Numerals.

24. What are goose bumps good for?
Ans. To keep geese from speeding.

25. What did the envelope say when it was licked?
Ans. Nothing it shut up.

26. What do you get when you cross a monster and an owl?
Ans. An animal that frightens people but doesn't give a hoot.

27. What is a kangeroo's favorite year?
Ans. Leap year.

28. What did one elevator say to the other elevator?
Ans. I am going up in the world.

29. If athletes get athlete's foot what do astronauts get?
Ans. Missile Toe

30. If a man smashed a clock could he be accused of killing time?
Ans. Nt if the clock struck first.

31. How do you make a lemon drop?
Ans. Pick it up and let it go.

32. Why did the lady throw butter out the window?
Ans. T see the butter-fly.

33. Why does the bee hum?
Ans. It doesn't know the words.

34. What kind of shoes do bananas wear?
Ans. Slippers.

35. What is the hottest day of the week?
Ans. Friday.

36. Which two boys are alway in school?
Ans. Art and Jim.

37. What does a ghost put in coffee?
Ans. Scream and sugar.

38. What do you call an outlaw with cottong stuffed in his ears?
Ans. Anything you want he can't hear you.

39. What is worse than a giragge with a sore throat?
Ans. A centipede eith sore feet.

40. Did you know that a baker is an unselfish person?
Ans. He sells what he Kneads himself.

41. What book contains more stirring pages than any other book?
Ans. A cookbook.

42. One morning a boy couldn't find his trousers so what did ne do?
Ans. He raced around the room until he was breathing in short pants.

43. What goes across land by train and air so cheap yet travels everywhere?
Ans. Postage stamps.

44. What is the difference between a hill and a pill?
Ans. One is hard to get up and the other is hard to get down.

45. You can have this only while you are seated what is it?
Ans. A lap.

46. Why does a hen lay eggs?
Ans. If they would drop them they would break.

47. How can it be proved that a horse has six legs?
Ans. He has fore (four) legs in front and two beind.

48. Wh did the little red house call the doctor?
Ans. It had a window pane.

49. What always has an eye open but never sees a thing?
Ans. A needle.

50. What is history's favorite fruit?
Ans. Dates.

51. Why is there a fence around the cemetery?
Ans. People are dying to get in.

52. Why was the ocean arrested?
Ans. It beat up on the shore.

53. What did the hot dog say when it crossed the finish line?
Ans. I'm a wener.

54. What do you call a car that never stops running?
Ans. Cargo.

55. Why did the girl spray her clock?
Ans. It had ticks.

56. What is it that you must keep after you give it to someone?
Ans. Your word.

57. Why did the donkey get a passport?
Ans. He wanted to be a travel burro.

58. What ball moves but is never thrown or caught?
Ans. Eyeball.

59. What did the Eskimo have when he wrote c-o-l-d?
Ans. A cold spell.

60. Why did the lion stand when he made a big noise?
Ans. He wanted to make an uproar.

61. What's the longest word?
Ans. Smiles cause it has a mile between the first and last letter.

62. What besides your hand has four fingers and a thumb?
Ans. A glove.

63. What has no end and no beginning?
Ans. A circle.

64. What do you call a mosquitto's home?
Ans. A pest nest.

65. When you stop talking what are you giving your mouth?
Ans. A yap nap.

66. What could you call a carpenter?
Ans. A hammer slammer.

67. If you could choose how you wanted to sound what would you have?
Ans. A voice choice.

68. Why don't women get bald before men?
Ans. They wear their hair longer.

69. What state do you mention every time you greet a friend?
Ans. Hawaii (how are you).

70. What's the best stocking to hang on Christmas Eve?
Ans. Santyhose.

71. What freezes as it melts?
Ans. An icicle.

72. When will water stop running downhill?
Ans. When it reaches the bottom.

73. What give a cold and pays the doctor?
Ans. A draft.

74. What's the difference between the north pole and the south pole?
Ans. All the difference in the world.

75. Why is a church bell like an orange?
Ans. They both peel.

76. What kind of phone call is it when one preacher calls another preacher?
Ans. Parson to parson.

77. When may a chair be said to dislike you?
Ans. When it can't bear you.

78. Why didn't the parrot talk until after he ate his dinner?
Ans. He wanted to be an after dinner speaker.

79. Why did the pig dress like a clown?
Ans. The farmer said he would be a good ham.

80. What is it that once lost can't be found?
Ans. Time.

81. Why are people so friendly to waitresses?
Ans. They want to make a play for large steaks.

82. When does a letter bring tears to your eyes?
Ans. When it is writtn on onion skin paper.

83. How many wives is a man given by the miister in a marriage service?
Ans. Sixteen: ( 4 better, 4 worse, 4 rich, and 4 poor).

84. How did the man know he needed a shave?
Ans. A little beard told him.

85. What gets longer when cut at both ends?
Ans. A ditch.

86. What makes a road broad?
Ans. The letter b.

87. If a carrot and a cabbage ran a race which would win?
Ans. The cabbage cause it's a head.

88. How do you make a slow horse fast?
Ans. You stop feeding him.

89. What bird helps us eat?
Ans. A swallow.

90. What swimmer could jump in the water and not get his hair wet?
Ans. A bald headed man.

91. Where should a dressmaker build her house?
Ans. On the outskirts of the city.

92. What kind of dog has no tail?
Ans. Hot dog.

93. What is too much for one, just right for twom but nothing at all for three?
Ans. A secret.

94. Why do children have to go to school?
Ans. The school won't come to them.

95. Why isn't it safe to keep a clock at the top of the stairs?
Ans. It might run down and strike one.

96. Why is the letter d like a wedding ring?
Ans. We could not have wed without it.

97. Why is the letter d a sailor?
Ans. It follows the c.

98. What pine has the longest and sharpest needles?
Ans. The percupine.

99. What only works after it has been fired?
Ans. A rocket.

100. What is the biggest laundry problem on Saturn?
Ans. Ring around the collar.