1. Why did the robber take a bath?
Ans. To make a clean get away.

2. What has everyone seen but will never see again?
Ans. Yesterday.

3. What is bought by the yard but worn by the foot?
Ans. Carpet.

4. How can you travel fast yet never get far from the first place you passed?
Ans. Go back and forth on a swing.

5. What did the clock say at noon?
Ans. Hands up.

6. What makes a football stadium cool?
Ans. All those fans.

7. What do you have when you put together three ducks and a cow?
Ans. Quackers and milk.

8. Why do chickens make poor employees?
Ans. They tend to be cluck watchers.

9. What did the big firecracker say to the small firecracker?
Ans. My pop's bigger than yours.

10. What has a neck and a body but no legs or arms?
Ans. A violin.

11. What can you hold but never touch?
Ans. Your breath.

12. What do you do when a baby astronaut cries?
Ans. You rocket.

13. what kind of flower is electric?
Ans. A flower that has a bulb.

14. How do you get down off a goat?
Ans. You can't, down comes from geese.

15. Where does the army get its supplies?
Ans. At the general store.

16. How many balls of string would it take to reach the moon?
Ans. Only one if it is long enough.

17. How many big men were born in New York?
Ans. None, only babies were born.

18. What opens like a mouth and closes like a trap?
Ans. A pair of scissors.

19. When is a sailor not a sailor?
Ans. When he's aboard.

20. Why did a cat crossing the desert think he was at the north pole?
Ans. He looked down and saw sandy claws.

21. In what way is a locomotive engineer very extravagant?
Ans. He always brakes the wheels when he stops the train.

22. What tune attracts the most interest?
Ans. A fortune.

23. What may mislead hunters who are following hounds through the woods?
Ans. The bark of the trees.

24. Why should a sailor be the best authority as to what happens on Mars?
Ans. He has been to sea.

25. How do birds grow?
Ans. From bird seed.

26. What always weighs the same no matter how big it is?
Ans. A hole.

27. When is a door not a door?
Ans. When it is ajar.

28. What can you always count on?
Ans. Your fingers.

29. What was the elephant doing on the freeway?
Ans. About five miles an hour.

30. What is yellow and points north all the time?
Ans. A banana magnet.

31. What would you do if you smashed your toe?
Ans. Call a tow truck.

32. How do you make a strawberry shake?
Ans. Take it to a scary movie.

33. What kind of dog tells time?
Ans. A watch dog.

34. Who was the first western settler?
Ans. The sun.

35. Why do hippies study the stars?
Ans. They are so far out.

36. Where does a witch store her spaceship?
Ans. In her broom closet.VV 37. What is heavier a half moon or a full moon?
Ans. A half moon cause a full moon is lighter.

38. What has eyes but cannot see?
Ans. A potato.

39. What kind of clothes did Cinderella wear?
Ans. Wish and wear.

40. Why do travelers take calendars with them when the cross the desert?
Ans. They can eat the dates and drink the water from the spring.

41. What do you call it when one cat sues another cat?
Ans. A clawsuit.

42. What is the best way to carve wood?
Ans. Whittle by whittle.

43. What do you call a cow that does not give milk?
Ans. An udder failure.

44. What has teeth but can't eat?
Ans. A comb.

45. What do you call a pickle that draws?
Ans. A dillistrator.

46. What did the tie say to the shirt?
Ans. I think I'll just hang around.

47. What is the difference between zombies and socks?
Ans. One is dead men and the other is mended.

48. Why didn't the dog have a license?
Ans. He was too dumb to drive.

49. What kind of break from work do ghosts take?
Ans. Coffin break.

50. What kind of boat does a vampire ride in?
Ans. A blood vessel.

51. What is the favorite holiday of vampires?
Ans. Fangsgiving.

52. What didn't silly billy shoo away?
Ans. The flies cause he wanted them to stay barefooted.

53. What is the most embarrassing moment in anyone's life?
Ans. When two eyes meet at the same keyhole.

54. What is green on the inside and white on the outside?
Ans. A frog sandwich.

55. What do you get when a bird gets caught in a lawn mower?
Ans. Shredded tweet.

56. What did mama ghost say to baby ghost?
Ans. Don't spook until you're spooken to.

57. What do robbers call their orchestra?
Ans. A steel band.

58. How can you tell a dogwood?
Ans. By its bark.

59. Why should you never have a short walking stick?
Ans. It cannot be long to you.

60. When you look around on a cold day what do you see on every hand?
Ans. Fingers.

61. What is a waffle?
Ans. A pancake with a non-skid surface.

62. Why should we hope that the rain keeps up?
Ans. So it won't come down.

63. What can I see that you can't see?
Ans. The back of your head.

64. What happened when Abel died?
Ans. He became unable.

65. What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?
Ans. You're too young to smoke.

66. What did the penny say to the dime?
Ans. If we go together we make more cents.

67. If you add a father, a mother, and a baby kangaroo what do you get?
Ans. Two and one to carry.

68. Why do lions eat raw meat?
Ans. They do not know how to cook.

69. What do you call a dinosaur that sleeps all day?
Ans. A dinosnore.

70. What can give you the power to see through walls?
Ans. Windows.

71. Why did the ghost become a cheerleader?
Ans. The school needed a team spirit.

72. What do you lose every time you stand up?
Ans. Your lap.

73. If ou had six apples in one hand and seven apples in the other what would you have?
Ans. Big hands.

74. Why is a man on a desert island like a housewife?
Ans. They are both looking for a sail.

75. What Roman Numeral is like a vine?
Ans. IV (ivy).

76. Why is the month of July like soup?
Ans. It is enjoyed most with crackers.

77. Why don't we have double featured movies any longer?
Ans. One is long enough.

78. Why did William Tell shdder when he shot the apple from his son's head?
Ans. It was an arrow escape for his son.

79. What is the best month for a parade?
Ans. March.

80. What should you do if a dog tries to eat a book?
Ans. Take the words out of his mouth.

81. When does b come after u?
Ans. When you take some of its honey.

82. How do you make a raspberry swirl?
Ans. Send it to ballet school.

83. Why did the spider dance on the jar lid?
Ans. The jar said twist to open.

84. How do you find nettles in the woods?
Ans. With a nettle detector.

85. Wh don't mother kangaroos like it when it rains?
Ans. Their babies have to play inside.

86. Why is a bride like a railroad?
Ans. She has a train.

87. What kind of paper is the most humorous?
Ans. Funny paper.

88. Why is a baggage car like a forest?
Ans. It's full of trunks.

89. Who was the first farmer?
Ans. Adam, he raised cain.

90. Why is an old rug tired most of the time?
Ans. It hasn't had a nap for a long time.

91. What enlightens the world though it's black at night?
Ans. Printer's ink.

92. What happens when you are out looking for chestnuts?
Ans. Nutting (nothing).

93. Why is a book like a tree?
Ans. It has leaves.

94. What do you call a train carrying oranges?
Ans. A tooty fruity.

95. What relaxes a chess player?
Ans. Taking a knight off.

96. What kind of running means walking?
Ans. Running out of gas.

97. When was King Kong born?
Ans. Ape-ril.

98. Why did the giant get lost?
Ans. His head was always in the clouds.

99. Why did the man put on skates before going to bed?
Ans. He wanted to get rolling in the morning.

100. Why can't elephants go swimming on the beach?
Ans. They can't keep their trunks up.