1. How did the mouse lose its tail?
Ans. Catnip.

2. Why don't leopards like to play hide and seek?
Ans. They are always spotted.

3. Where does a squirrel store its winter clothes?
Ans. In a tree trunk.

4. Why did the old house go to the doctor?
Ans. It was having window panes.

5. Why don't fleas ever catch a cold?
Ans. They are always on fur coats.

6. What did one pencil say to the other pencil?
Ans. You're sharp but please get to the point.

7. What is red, white, and blue?
Ans. A sad candy cane.

8. What do detectives do when they are scared?
Ans. They go undercover.

9. What has two legs but doesn't walk?
Ans. A pair of pants.

10. What did the picture say to the wall?
Ans. I've been framed.

11. What is a polar bear's favorite food?
Ans. Ice Krispies.

12. What is the saddest tool in the kitchen?
Ans. A melon baller.

13. What do you call an American drawing?
Ans. A Yankee Doodle.

14. What is a pronoun?
Ans. A noun that gets paid.

15. Why didn't the skeleton dance at the party?
Ans. He had no body to dance with.

16. What did the lettuce say when it got caught in the snowstorm?
Ans. I'm frozen salad.

17. What is the smartest state?
Ans. Alabama cause it has four a's and one b.

18. What is the coldest country in South America?
Ans. Chile.

19. Why is a room filled with married people empty?
Ans. There is not a single person in it.

20. How do sailors get their clothes clean?
Ans. They throw them overboard so they get washed ashore.

21. What is a frog's favorite flower?
Ans. Croakus.

22. What did one light bulb say to the other light bulb?
Ans. People turn me on.

23. What is the biggest ant in the world?
Ans. Gi-ant.

24. What was the turtle doing on the freeway?
Ans. About a mile an hour.

25. Why do dragons sleep in the daytime?
Ans. They like to hunt knights.

26. What do you call a witch who lives in the desert?
Ans. Sandwhich.

27. Why did the man put his car in the oven?
Ans. He wanted a hot rod.

28. Why did the farmer feed his cow money?
Ans. He wanted rich milk.

29. What does an elf do when he gets home from school?
Ans. Gnomework.

30. What kind of tree has hands?
Ans. A palm tree.

31. What do you get when you cross a rainstorm and a convertible?
Ans. A carpool.

32. Where do old bicycle tires go?
Ans. To an old spokes home.

33. Why was the centipede late?
Ans. He was playing this little piggy with his brother.

34. What do you get if you cross a centipede and a parrot?
Ans. A walkie talkie.

35. Why was the centipede kicked off of the football team?
Ans. He took too long putting his shoes on.

36. What is worse than an alligator with toothache?
Ans. A centipede with athlete's foot.

37. Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Ans. Because the chicken hadn't evolved yet.

38. Why did the turtle cross the road?
Ans. To get to the shell station.

39. Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
Ans. It was stuck to the chicken.

40. Why do sharks like to eat with peanut butter sandwiches?
Ans. Jellyfish.

41. Where do Easter bunnies dance?
Ans. At the basket ball.

42. What do you call pigs that want everything?
Ans. Gimme pigs.

43. How do you see King Arthur after it is dark?
Ans. With a knight light.

44. Why aren't tires good at bowling?
Ans. They always get a spare.

45. What kind of cat lives in the ocean?
Ans. An octopus.

46. What do beavers eat for breakfast?
Ans. Oakmeal.

47. Why is a police officer so strong?
Ans. Because he can hold up traffic.

48. Why did the orange go to the doctor?
Ans. It wasn't peeling right.

49. Why was the kitchen having math problems?
Ans. Its counter was gone.

50. How did the man feel when he got a large electric bill?
Ans. He was shocked.

51. What is the best butter in the world?
Ans. A goat.

52. What climbs then falls but never gets hurt?
Ans. The temperature.

53. Why did the baker stop making doughnuts?
Ans. He was tired of the hole business.

54. What did the guitar say to the rock star?
Ans. Stop picking on me.

55. What did the cloud have under its raincoat?
Ans. Thunderwear.

56. Why did the spider move from its home in the window?
Ans. It wanted a new website.

57. What did the big hand on the clock say to the little hand on the clock?
Ans. I'll be back in an hour.

58. What is the best way to get around on the ocean floor?
Ans. In taxi-crabs.

59. Why did the girl ghost haunt a baseball field?
Ans. Diamonds are a girl's best friend.

60. Why did the vampire run out of the restaurant?
Ans. The person next to him ordered a steak.

61. Why does the moon go to the bank?
Ans. To change quarters.

62. What kind of ice cream do hikers like the least?
Ans. Rocky Road.

63. What do you call the father of an ear of corn?
Ans. Popcorn.

64. Why did the man put bandages on the refridgerator?
Ans. It had cold cuts.

65. Why did the farmer call his pig ink?
Ans. It kept running out of the pen.

66. What kind of jokes does popcorn like?
Ans. Corny ones.

67. What did the beach say when the tide came in?
Ans. Long time no sea.

68. What do moon men call french fries?
Ans. Crater Taters.

69. How is an attic like a vacuum cleaner?
Ans. They both collect dust.

70. How do you divide the sea in half?
Ans. With a seasaw.

71. What is the saddest fruit?
Ans. Blueberries.

72. Why was the fox upset?
Ans. Everyone kept hounding him.

73. Why does a dog turn around a couple of times before he lies down?
Ans. One good turn deserves another.

74. When does a leopard change spots?
Ans. When he moves from place to place.

75. Why is a talent scout like an astronomer?
Ans. He's always hoping to discover new stars.

76. Where can you lie without being scolded?
Ans. In bed.

77. Why can't you trust a bee?
Ans. He's a humbug.

78. Who are the best book keepers?
Ans. People who never return books that they borrow.

79. Why is a vote in Congress like a bad cold?
Ans. Sometimes the ayes have it and sometimes the noe.

80. Why are politicians like lobsters?
Ans. They change color when they get in hot water.

81. Why were pirates afraid to walk through the flower garden?
Ans. They had heard that flowers had pistols.

82. Why is baseball like a pancake?
Ans. They both need a batter.

83. How do elephants talk to one another?
Ans. by elephone.

84. What kind of bird lays electric eggs?
Ans. A battery hen.

85. What do you call an arctic cow?
Ans. An eskimoo.

86. What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?
Ans. A brick layer.

87. How do you fit more pigs on your farm?
Ans. Build a sty-scraper.

88. Why does a rooster watch TV?

Ans. For hentertainment.

89. What do you get from a drunk chicken?
Ans. Scotch eggs.

90. What do you get if you cross a chicken and a bell?
Ans. A bird that has to wring its own neck.

91. Why did the cat join the Red Cross?
Ans. She wanted to be a first aid kitty.

92. Why was the cat so small?
Ans. It only drank condensed milk.

93. What do you call a cat that has just eaten a whole duck?
Ans. A duck filled fatty puss.

94. Why do cats chase birds?
Ans. For a lark.

95. What do cats read in the morning?
Ans. Mewspapers.

96. What do you call a sleeping bull?
Ans. A bulldozer.

97. What did the rock say to the geologist?
Ans. Don't take me for granite.

98. Why are matches poor friends?
Ans. They are hotheads.

99. If red houses are made with red bricks what are green houses made with?
Ans. Glass.

100. What is lighter as it falls to the ground?
Ans. A hot air balloon.