1. How do you make an egg roll?
Ans. You give it a push.

2. What do you call a hat that you wear on your knee?
Ans. Kneecap.

3. What breaks when you say its name?
Ans. Silence.

4. What kind of driver never gets a speeding ticket?
Ans. A screwdriver.

5. Why did the man take his dog to the railroad station?
Ans. To get him trained.

6. What's harder to catch the faster you run?
Ans. Your breathe.

7. What did the trapeze artist do on her vacation?
Ans. She really let go.

8. What do you buy when you have a mini thirst?
Ans. Minnisota.

9. What does a bankrupt frog say?
Ans. Baroke baroke baroke.

10. What did the mother turkey say to her disobedient children?
Ans. If your father could see you now he would turn over in his gravy.

11. Who is the smallest person in the world?
Ans. Human be'n.

12. What did the eye doctor do on her vacation?
Ans. She made a spectacle of herself.

13. When were vowels invented?
Ans. When u and I were born.

14. How do you catch a school of fish?
Ans. With a bookworm.

15. Why does a bee have sticky hair?
Ans. It uses a honey comb.

16. What do you call a fairy that never takes a bath?
Ans. Stinkerbell.

17. What did the ground say to the earthquake?
Ans. You crack me up.

18. How do you get holy water?
Ans. Boil the hell out of it.

19. What did the fish say when he hit a concrete wall?
Ans. Dam.

20. What do prisoners use to call each other?
Ans. Cell phones.

21. What do you call four bullfighters in quicksand?
Ans. Quattro sinko.

22. What do you get from a pampered cow?
Ans. Spoiled milk.

23. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Ans. Frostbite.

24. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
Ans. A nervous wreck.

25. What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup.

Ans. Anyone can roast beef.

26. Why are there so many smiths in the phone book?
Ans. They all have phones.

27. What do you do when two snails have a fight?
Ans. Leave them to slug it out.

28. How do snails get their shells so shiny?
Ans. They use snail varnish.

29. Why did the spider buy a car?
Ans. So he could take it out for a spin.

30. What does a spider do when he gets anrgy?
Ans. He goes up the wall.

31. How do you spot a modern spider?
Ans. He doesn't have a web he has a website.

32. What are spider webs good for?
Ans. Spiders.

33. What kind of doctors are like spiders?
Ans. Spin doctors.

34. What did the spider say to the fly?
Ans. We are getting married do you want to come to the webbing?

35. What is a spider's favorite tv show?
Ans. The newly web game.

36. What did the wife spider say to her husband when he tried to explain why he was late?
Ans. You're spinning me a yarn.

37. Why are spiders like tops?
Ans. They are always spinning.

38. Which bird is always out of breath?
Ans. A puffin.

39. What do you get if you cross a parrot and a shark?
Ans. A bird that will talk your ear off.

40. Which birds steal soap from the bath?
Ans. Robber ducks.

41. What kind of bird opens doors?
Ans. A kiwi.

42. What language do birds speak?
Ans. Pigeon English.

43. What is the chicks most important test in school?
Ans. The eggzam.

44. What do you call a camel with three humps?
Ans. Humpthree.

45. Why can't 2 elephants go swimming?
Ans. They only have one pair of trunks between them.

46. Why did the jelly wobble?
Ans. It saw the milk shake.

47. What sort of cat should you never play cards with?
Ans. A cheetah.

48. What do cats have for breakfast?
Ans. Mice Krispies.

49. What do you get if you cross a pig and a knife?
Ans. Porkchops.

50. What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ans. Ground beef.

51. What do you call a woodpecker with no beak?
Ans. A headbanger.

52. What did the bus conducter say to the frog?
Ans. Hop on.

53. What goes dot dot croak dot dash croak?
Ans. Morse toad.

54. What is the world's weakest animal?
Ans. A toad he croaks if you touch him.

55. What kind of pole is short and floppy?
Ans. A tadpole.

56. What do you call a girl with a frog in her hair?
Ans. Lily.

57. What do Scottish toads play?
Ans. Hop-scotch.

58. Why did the toad become a lighthouse keeper?
Ans. He had his own frog horn.

59. How did the toad die?
Ans. He simply croaked.

60. Where do frogs leave their hats and coats?
Ans. In the croakroom.

61. What did the chicken do when he saw a bucket of fried chicken?
Ans. Kicked the bucket.

62. What do you call a crazy chicken?
Ans. A cuckoo cluck.

63. Why did the rooster run away?
Ans. He was chicken.

64. Why did the chicken cross the basketball court?
Ans. He heard the referee calling fowls.

65. Why is it easy for chicks to talk?
Ans. Because talk comes cheap.

66. Why do bees buzz?
Ans. They can't whistle.

67. Can bees fly in the rain?
Ans. Not without their yellow jackets.

68. What are the cleverest bees?
Ans. Spelling bees.

69. What bee is good for your health?
Ans. Vitamin bee.

70. What's a bees favorite novel?
Ans. The Great Gats-bee.

71. What do you call an ant that lives with your great uncle?
Ans. Your great-ant.

72. What do you call a 100 year old ant?
Ans. An antique.

73. Why did the ant-elope?
Ans. Nobody gnu.

74. What is the biggest ant in the world?
Ans. Elephant.

75. Why don't anteaters get sick?
Ans. They are full of anibodies.

76. What do you get when you cross binocuars with a shell?
Ans. A see-shell.

77. Why didn't the fly land on the computer?
Ans. He thought he might get stuck on the world wide web.

78. Why didn't the fish watch television?
Ans. He was afraid that he would get hooked.

79. What is a mover's favorite sport?
Ans. Boxing.

80. Which instrument plays only sour notes?
Ans. A pckle-o.

81. Why did the teach send the clock to the principal's office?
Ans. It was tocking too much.

82. Why did the cookie go to the doctor?
Ans. It was crumbling to pieces.

83. What kind of light bulbs do coyotes like best?
Ans. Howl-ogen bulbs.

84. What is Father Christmas's wife's name?
Ans. Mary Christmas.

85. Where do spiders play football?
Ans. Webley.

86. Wy is it hard to play cards in the jungle?
Ans. There are too many cheetahs.

87. What do you get if you cross an elephant with a fish?
Ans. Swimming trunks.

88. What do you give an injured lemon?
Ans. Lemonade.

89. Why did the boy take a pencil to bed?
Ans. He wanted to draw the curtains.

90. Have you heard the joke about the butter?
Ans. I can't tell you cause you would spread it.

91. What did the lion say when he saw the kid on his skate board?
Ans. Meals on wheels.

92. Why did the cook hunt his eggs?
Ans. He like them poached.

93. What is tall sweet and french?
Ans. The trifle tower.

94. Where were lemons first found?
Ans. In the tree.

95. Where was the Queen of England crowned?
Ans. On her head.

96. What is seaweed's favorite subject?
Ans. Algae-bra.

97. What do you call a superhero who don't share his toys?
Ans. Bratman.

98. What do you get if you cross and owl with a skunk?
Ans. A bird that smells but doesn't give a hoot.

99. How does the man in the moon get his hair cut?
Ans. Eclipse it.

100. What do computer do in Hawaii?
Ans. Surf the net.