1. Where do skeletons go to swim?
Ans. The Dead Sea.

2. Why should you never iron a four leaf clover?
Ans. That would be pressing your luck.

3. What kind of car does Mickey Mouse's girlfriend drive?
Ans. A mimmie van.

4. Why are fruit trees such cry babies?
Ans. People keep picking on them.

5. How do you make an apple puff?
Ans. You chase it around the garden.

6. Why does Snoopy want to quit the comic strip?
Ans. He is tired of working for Peanuts.

7. Why did the toilet paper roll down the hill?
Ans. To get to the bottom.

8. Why did the doctor tiptoe past the medicine cabinet?
Ans. He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills.

9. On what should you mount a statue of your cat?
Ans. A caterpillar.

10. What does a cat go to sleep on?
Ans. A caterpillow.

11. When is a lion not a lion?
Ans. When it turns into a cage.

12. What did the cat say when he lost all his money?
Ans. I'm paw.

13. Why did the cat put the letter "M" into the fridge?
Ans. It wanted to turn ice into mice.

14. What does a lin brush his mane with?
Ans. A catacomb.

15. how do you know that peanuts are fattening?
Ans. Have you ever seen a skinny elephant?
16. What is the difference between an injured elephant and bad weather?
Ans. One roars with pain and the other pours with rain.

17. What has no beginning and no end and nothing in the middle?
Ans. A doughnut.

18. What is the best way to see a charging herd of elephants?
Ans. At the movies.

19. Why were the elephants the last ones to get on the ark?
Ans. They had to pack their trunks.

20. Why do elephants have trunks?
Ans. They hav no pockets to put things into.

21. What did the baby chicken eat for breakfast?
Ans. Shredded tweet.

22. What do squirrels do when they fall in love?
Ans. They go nuts.

23. What can you say to an annoying cockroach?
Ans. Stop bugging me.

24. What color is a burp?
Ans. Burple.

25. Why can't you get a straight answer from a wrestler?
Ans. They are hard to pin down.

26. What do you use to fix a broken tomato?
Ans. Tomato paste.

27. What kind of bull doesn't have horns?
Ans. A bullfrog.

28. Where do frogs keep their money?
Ans. In river banks.

29. Why does a dog run in circles?
Ans. Its a watch dog and winding itself up.

30. Why does the baby duck walk softly?
Ans. Its a baby and can't walk hardly.

31. What did the baby porcupine say when it backed into a cactus?
Ans. Mama is that you?

32. What did one eye say to the other eye?
Ans. There is something between us that smells.

33. What is a mouse's favorite game?
Ans. Hide and squeak.

34. What is a frog's favorite game?
Ans. It's croak-et.

35. What do you get if you cross a frog and a dog?
Ans. A croaker spaniel.

36. Why wasn't there any food left after the monster party?
Ans. Eveyone was a goblin.

37. What clothing does a house wear?
Ans. Address.

38. What shoes should you wear when your basement is flooded?
Ans. Pumps.

39. What kind of ties can't you wear?
Ans. Railroad ties.

40. What did the sock say to the foot?
Ans. You are putting me on.

41. Why are potatoes good detectives?
Ans. They always keep their eyes peeled.

42. Why was the belt arrested?
Ans. For holding up the pants.

43. What kind of eyeglasses do spies wear?
Ans. Spy-focals.

44. What do you call a funny book about eggs?
Ans. A yolk book.

45. When is it dangerous to play cards?
Ans. When the joker is wild.

46. Did you hear about the magic tractor?
Ans. It turns into a field.

47. Why do cats always get a good report card?
Ans. They're purrrfect.

48. What do you get when you eat a zebra?
Ans. Stripe throat.

49. Why wouldn't the lobster share his toys?
Ans. He was shellfish.

50. Have you heard the joke about the bed?
Ans. It hasn't been made up yet.

51. What did the papa buffalo say to the baby buffalo before he went to work?
Ans. Bison.

52. Why do the elephants have short tails?
Ans. They can't remember long stories.

53. What is the easy way to get a wild elephanr?
Ans. Get a tame one and annoy it.

54. What is a dog's favorite hobby?
Ans. Collecting flees.

55. What do you call a dog in the middle of a muddy road?
Ans. A mutt in a rut.

56. Which day of the week do chickens hate most?
Ans. Friday.

57. Why did the chick disappoint his mother?
Ans. He wasn't what he was cracked up to be.

58. Is chicken soup good for your health?
Ans. Not if you are a chicken.

59. Why do dogs bury bones in the ground?
Ans. You can't bury them in trees.

60. What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
Ans. Coop cakes.

61. What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
Ans. An eggroll.

62. Why did the boa constricters get married?
Ans. They had a crush on each other.

63. Why didn't the hot dog want to be in the movies?
Ans. He heard the rolls weren't very good.

64. Where would you put an injured insect?
Ans In an antbulance.

65. What is the insect's favorite game?
Ans. Cricket.

66. What has eighteen legs and catches flies?
Ans. A baseball team.

67. Why can't you hide from Pokemon?
Ans. It will pikachu (peak at you).

68. What did the letter say to the stamp?
Ans. Stick with me and we will go places.

69. What do birds give out at Halloween?
Ans. Tweets.

70. What do you call a dance for rubber chickens?
Ans. A rubber ball.

71. What is a computer's first sign of old age?
Ans. Loss of memory.

72. What happened when the computer fell on the floor?
Ans. It slipped a disc.

73. Why was there a bug in the computer?
Ans. It was looking for a byte to eat.

74. What kind of shoes are made from banana skins?
Ans. Slippers.

75. What do you call two robbers?
Ans. A pair of nickers.

76. Why did the chicken cross the playground?
Ans. To get to the other slide.

77. What is always slow to come but never actually happens?
Ans. Tomorrow.

78. Why did the banana go into a butcher shop?
Ans. He wanted to be a banana split.

79. Why did the bald man put rabbits on his head?
Ans. Someone from a distance said they looked like hairs.

80. What did the policeman say to his tummy?
Ans. You're under a vest.

81. Why do witches fly around on broomsticks?
Ans. Vacuum cleaners don't have long enough cords.

82. Why do parents know best?
Ans. They made the same mistakes before.

83. Why is it possible to see through preachers?
Ans. They are holy.

84. Why were the little ink drops crying?
Ans. Papa was in the pen and no one knew how long the sentence was.

85. Why did the girl run outside with her purse open?
Ans. She heard there would be change in the weather.

86. Why are glow worms good to carry in your bag?
Ans. They can lighten your load.

87. Why do worms taste like chewing gum?
Ans. They're wrigleys.

88. What makes a glow worm glow?
Ans. A light meal.

89. What's a glow worm favorite song?
Ans. Wake me up before you glow glow.

90. Why did the sparrow go to the library?
Ans. He was looking for bookworms.

91. What do you give a pony with a cold?
Ans. Cough stirrup.

92. What animal always goes to bed with its shoes on?
Ans. A horse.

93. What happens when geese land in a volcano?
Ans. They cook their own goose.

94. What do you call a pig with no clothes on?
Ans. Streaking bacon.

95. What is a horse's favorite sport?
Ans. Stable tennis.

96. What did the farmer call the cow that would not give him any milk?
Ans. Udder failure.

97. What do you give a sick pig?
Ans. Oinkment.

98. Why did the pig go to the casino?
Ans. To play the slop machines.

99. Why did Mickey Mouse get shot?
Ans. Because Donald ducked.

100. Why did the FBI arrest Santa?
Ans. He was out all night sleighing.