1. How do you catch a school of fish?
Ans. With a bookworm!

2. What do you call a sheep covered with chocolate?
Ans. A Hershey Baaaaaaaaa!

3. Why is the letter "G" scary?
Ans. It turns a host into a ghost.

4. What did the spider do on the computer?
Ans. Made a website!

5. What letters are not in the alphabet?
Ans. The ones in the mail, of course!

6. What did the mayonnaise say to the fridge?
Ans.Close the door, I'm dressing!

7. What would the U.S. be called if everyone in it drove pink cars?
Ans. A pink car-nation!

8. Why was the ketchup last in the race?
Ans. It couldn't ketch-up!

9. Why did the cabbage win the race?
Ans. Because it was a-head!

10. What did the fridge say to the mayonnaise?
Ans. Don't come in, I've got a cold!

11. Why did the famous movie stars go to the river?
Ans. They wanted to give out some otter-graphs!

12. Where do you leave your dog while you shop?
Ans. In a barking lot!

13. What would the U.S. be called if everyone in it lived in their cars?
Ans. An in-car-nation!

14. How does the biologist like to communicate?
Ans. With his cell phone!

15. Where is a computer's favorite place to swim?
Ans. In a deep blue ocean!

16. What season is it when you are on a trampoline?
Ans. Spring time.

17. Why did the jelly wobble?
Ans. It saw the milk shake.

18. What is the difference between a flea bitten dog and a bored visitor?
Ans. One is going to itch and the other is itching to go.

19. What do you call a cheerful flea?
Ans. A hop-timist.

20. What did one flea say to the other after a night out?
Ans. Shall we walk home or take a dog?

21. What did the romantic flea say?
Ans. I love you aw-flea.

22. What goes snap crackle pop?
Ans. A firefly with a short curcuit.

23. Why did the firefly keep stealing things?
Ans. He was light fingered.

24. Why were the fleas playing baseball in the saucer?
Ans. They were playing for the cup.

25. How does a lion greet the animals in a field?
Ans. Pleased to eat you.

26. What is a knight's favorite fish?
Ans. Swordfish.

27. What do you call the good lions in the jungle?
Ans. Dandelions.

28. What did the mother scissors say to the baby scissors?
Ans. Cut it out.

29. What part of the newspaper has the most problems?
Ans. The ad section.

30. Why is a bridge like money?
Ans. It goes from bank to bank.

31. What did one elevater say to the other elevater?
Ans. I think I am coming down with something.

32. What is a hare's favorite dance?
Ans. The bunny hop.

33. How do billboards talk?
Ans. They use sign language.

34. What did the bed say to the wind?
Ans. Are you trying to blow my cover?

35. What do you call a cattle trailer with nothing in it?
Ans. A cattle-lack.

36. What kind of coat does an octopus wear?
Ans. A coat of many arms.

37. How do you make a raspberry swirl?
Ans. Send it to ballet school.

38. What is a squirrel favorite ballet?
Ans. The Nutcracker.

39. Why did the doctor tell the ghost to ride in an elevater going up?
Ans. To boost his spirits.

40. What do you get when you cross poison ivy and a four leaf clover?
Ans. A rash of good luck.

41. What did the flower want to do?
Ans. Find its roots.

42. What makes everyone sick except the person who swallosw it?
Ans. Flattery.

43. What color can talk?
Ans. Yell-ow.

44. Why was the man fired from the orange juice factory?
Ans. He couldn't concentrate.

45. Which three letters would surprise an invisible man?
Ans. I C U.

46. Two wrongs don't make a right so what do two rights make?
Ans. Two Wrights made an airplane.

47. Why did they let the turkey join the band?
Ans. He had his own drumsticks.

48. If dogs go to obedience school where do cats go?
Ans. Kittygarten.

49. Why does lightning shock people?
Ans. It doesn't know how to conduct itself.

50. What does a tugboat use to buy things?
Ans. A barge card.

51. Why was the bride crying at the wedding?
Ans. She didn't marry the best man.

52. Why do opera singers make good sailors?
Ans. They know how to handle high c's.

53. What do you call a snowman in June?
Ans. A puddle.

54. What did the wind say to the ghost?
Ans. Just passing through.

55. Why is a mouse like clover?
Ans. Because the cat'll eat it.

56. What kind of garden does a baker have?
Ans. A flour garden.

57. What is it that isn't there but you can see it?
Ans. A mirage.

58. What foolish thing does a farmer's wife do?
Ans. She puts out tubs to catch soft water when it is raining hard.

59. Why is a watch like a river?
Ans. It doesn't run long without winding.

60. Why is a discontented boy easy to satisfy?
Ans. Nothing satisfies him.

61. What book contains more stirring pages than any other?
Ans. A cookbook.

62. One morning a boy couldn't find his trousers so what did he do?
Ans. Ran around the room until he was breathing in short pants.

63. How do you know a baker is an unselfish person?
Ans. He is always sellings what he kneads himself.

64. Why did the singer buy a large stove?
Ans. He wanted a wide range.

65. What do you have when a school boy in Russia gets up in the morning?
Ans. Russian dressing.

66. Why did the donkey get a passport?
Ans. He wanted to be a travel burro.

67. What school did the alphabet go to?
Ans. LMN-try school.

68. Why was the kid at the party cold?
Ans. It was a birrrrrrr-thday party.

69. What keeps the ocean clean?
Ans. Tide.

70. What kind of vegetable do bugs hate?
Ans. Squash.

71. How can you go without sleep for seven days?
Ans. Sleep at night.

72. What disaster happens every 24 hours?
Ans. Day breaks and night falls.

73. Why did the lion spit out the clown?
Ans. He tasted funny.

74. Why did the farmer plant tomatos on the road?
Ans. He wanted tomato juice.

75. What subject do you study at the mall?
Ans. Buyology.

76. What did the detective say when he finished packing his suitcase?
Ans. Cas Closed.

77. What happened when 500 hares got loose on Main Street?
Ans. The police had to comb the area.

78. What lives in the ocean and always agrees with you?
Ans. The seal of approval.

79. What does a bee wear when it dresses up?
Ans. A yellow jacket.

80. What did the hamburger name his daughter?
Ans. Patty.

81. What animal doesn't like to do laundry?
Ans. A leopard cause it has a lot of spots.

82. Where do books sleep?
Ans. Under the covers.

83. What does a camel do when it wants to hide?
Ans. It uses camel-flage.

84. How can you cure yourself of sleepwalking?
Ans. Put thumbtacks on the floor.

85. Why do rabbits like to bang their heads on a piano?
Ans. They like to play by ear.

86. Why was Miss Muffet upset?
Ans. She didn't get her whey.

87. What do you call a house full of candy?
Ans. Dessert-ed.

88. Why did the boy throw peanut butter into the ocean?
Ans. To go with the jellyfish.

89. Why do fish swim in salt water?
Ans. Pepper makes them sneeze.

90. What is another name for a mountain goat?
Ans. Hill Billy.

91. Where does Dracula go when he visits New York City?
Ans. Vampire State Building.

92. What does a farmer grow if he works really hard?
Ans. Tired.

93. What did the new suitcase say to the old one?
Ans. You're a sad case.

94. Why did the robber take a bath?
Ans. He wanted to make a clean get away.

95. What has everyone seen but will never see again?
Ans. Yesterday.

96. What is bought by the yard but worn by the foot?
Ans. Carpet.

97. What does a tugboat use to buy things?
Ans. A barge card.

98. What did the oak tree say to the pine tree?
Ans. Stop needling me or I am going to leaf you.

99. Why is it easy for a snake to eat without silverware?
Ans. It has a forked tongue.

100. Why did the bacon laugh?
Ans. He met an egg with a funny yolk.