1. What did one lamp say to the other lamp?
Ans. You turn me on.

2. What is the best way to see flying saucers?
Ans. Trip the waitress.

3. What do you put in a skeleton's sandwich?
Ans. Bony balony.

4. What do you call a test given to a criminal?
Ans. A con test.

5. How do you grade a chicken?
Ans. Give it an egg-am (exam).

6. Where do fish wash?
Ans. In water basins.

7. What nationality is Santa Claus?
Ans. He is North Polish.

8. What are the small rivers that run into the Nile?
Ans. Juve-niles.

9. Why is the Mississippi so unusual?
Ans. It has four eyes but can't see.

10. What kind of birds are found in Portugal?
Ans. Portu-geese.

11. Where did knights learn to kill dragons?
Ans. In knight school.

12. How can you tell a boy mouse from a girl mouse?
Ans. By his mous-tache.

13. What is the first thing a snake learns in school?
Ans. Hiss-tory.

14. What would a white stone become if it were thrown in the Red Sea?
Ans. Wet.

15. Why is a rooster on a fence like a penny?
Ans. It has a tail on one side and a head on the other.

16. Whatdid the car muffler say to the bumper?
Ans. Boy am I exhausted.

17. What insect is on the moon?
Ans. A Lunatic.

18. When did the fly fly?
Ans. When the spider spied her.VV 19. What do you get when you cross an insect and a rabbit?
Ans. Bugs Bunny.

20. What insect goes skin diving?
Ans. A mosquito.

21. What is a small wound called?
Ans. A short cut.

22. When is a lady like a snake?
Ans. When she is rattled.

23. What bell never rings?
Ans. A dumbbell.

24. What book is the most stirring?
Ans. A cookbook.

25. What is a sleeping bag?
Ans. A knapsack.

26. What cane helps you move faster?
Ans. A Hurricane.

27. What happens to an air conditioner when its plug is pulled?
Ans. It loses its cool.

28. What can you hold in your right had but not in your left?
Ans. Your left elbow.

29. Why do carpenters believe there is no such thing as stone?
Ans. They never saw it.

30. What did the baby corn say to the mama corn?
Ans. Where is my pop corn.

31. What month is the shortest?
Ans. May it only has three letters.

32. What do you get when you cross a bell and a hummingbird?
Ans. A humdinger.

33. What word has the most letters?
Ans. Mailbox.

34. When do you charge a Frankenstein monster?
Ans. When he can't pay cash.

35. How does a monster count to 33?
Ans. On his fingers.

36. Where do dead cowboys go on Saturday night?
Ans. To ghost towns.

37. What is a volcano?
Ans. A mountain with the hccups.

38. What tree can you carry in your hand?
Ans. A palm tree.

39. Why did the lady go outdoors with her purse open?
Ans. She knew there would be change in the weather.

40. Which was the most polite dinosaur?
Ans. Plesiosurus.

41. What are the six senses?
Ans. Touch, taste, hearing, smell, sight, and humor.

42. What happens to a plum that worries too much?
Ans. It wrinkles and turns into a prune.

43. What did the father snowman say to his son when they got into the car?
Ans. Don't turn on the heater.

44. Why did the dinosaurs become extinct?
ANs. They didn't. They went on a diet and turned into lizards.

45. How can you eat an egg without breaking the shell?
Ans. Have someone else break it.

46. How many monsters can you get on an empty bus?
Ans. One, after that it isn't empty.

47. What food is on all money?
Ans. A date.

48. Why was the fish shocked?
Ans. It touched an electric eel.

49. What must you answer even though no question was asked?
Ans. The telephone.

50. What goes out green and comes in white?
Ans. A green giant on a snowy day.

51. What driver can't drive a car?
Ans. A screwdriver.

52. What do spooks eat for breakfast?
Ans. Ghost Toasties.

53. What do you call a very small billy goat?
Ans. A peanut butter.

54. Why didn't the trumpet player like the cheap hotel?
Ans. It was a viol-in.

55. Why do frogs have it made?
Ans. They eat what bugs them.

56. What do they call a police strike?
Ans. Copout.

57. What kind of man can hold up an automobile with one hand?
Ans. A policeman.

58. Why are kindergaten teachers so good?
Ans. They can make little things count.

59. Why did the scientist disconnect the doorbell at his home?
Ans. To win the No-bel prize.

60. What is the best cure for dandruff?
Ans. Baldness.

61. Why can't a shoe talk?
Ans. It's tongue tied.

62. Why is it hard to talk with a goat around?
Ans. It always butts in.

63. How many peas are there in a pint?
Ans. There is one p in pot.

64. What has six feet and can sing?
Ans. A trio.

65. What does a parrot say on the Fourth of July?
Ans. Polly wants a firecracker.

66. What is the toughest pickle in Dodge City?
Ans. Mrshal Dill

67. How does a msician brush his teeth?
Ans. With a tuba toothpaste.

68. What do you call a whale that talks too much?
Ans. A blubber mouth.

69. What is the easiest house to pick up?
Ans. A lighthouse.

70. How do you get off a horse?
Ans. You unsaddle yourself.

71. What is a robot's favorite food?
Ans. Computer chips.

72. What do you call it when five toads sit on top of each other?
Ans. A toadem pole.

73. What are the strongest creatures in the ocean?
Ans. Mussels

74. What can you sit on, sleep in, and brush your teeth with?
Ans. A chair, a bed, and a toothbrush.

75. Why is a breezy tropical island like a person waving?
Ans. They both have swaying palms.

76. What is a cat that has fleas called?
Ans. A flea-line.

77. What can you cut waves with?
Ans. A seesaw.

78. What did the mother sknk say to the baby skunk at bedtime?
Ans. Let's spray.

79. What kind of bean doesn't grow in a garden?
Ans. Jelly bean.

80. Where was the man when the lights went out?
Ans. In the dark.

81. What has eighteen legs and catches flies?
Ans. A baseball team.

82. What can stay single even if he marries many women?
Ans. A minister.

83 Where can a burger get a great night's sleep?
Ans. On a bed of lettuce.

84. What can you serve but not eat?
Ans. A tennis ball.

85. What's the cure for insomnia?
Ans. A good night's sleep.

86. What has a mouth but does not speak and a bed but does not sleep?
Ans. A river.

87. Who was the fastest runner of all time?
Ans. Adam was first in the human race.

88. What subject do runners like the most?
Ans. Jog-raphy,

89. When do boxers start wearing gloves?
Ans. When it gets cold.

90. What did the plant do in the computer room?
Ans. Fell to bits.

91. Where do astronauts leave their spaceships?
Ans. At parking meteors.

92. Where can astronauts get water?
Ans. The Big Dipper.

93. How do astronauts keep clean?
Ans. They take meteor showers.

94. Why don't chickens make good workers?
Ans. They fowl things up.

95. What is a volcano?
Ans. A mountain blowing its top.

96. Where is the ocean the deepest?
Ans. At the bottom.

97. Why does the ocean roar?
Ans. There are crabs in its bed.

98. What does it mean when the barometer falls?
Ans. The one who nailed it up did a poor job.

99. How do you charge a battery?
Ans. With a credit card.

100. Who invented speghetti?
Ans. A guy who used his noodle.