1. Who is the smallest dictator?
Ans. A ty-runt.

2. What do dictators wipe their feet on?
Ans. Diplo-mats.

3. What U.S. president got hit by a truck?
Ans. George Squashington.

4. What mouse heads the House of Representatives?
Ans. The Squeaker of the House.

5. When do Eskimos travel in heavy traffic?
Ans. At mush (rush) hour.

6. What state has the most streets?
Ans. Road (Rhode) Island.

7. How far is it from one town to the next on an unpaved road?
Ans. Just a hop, skip and a bump.

8. What city has the most gerbils?
Ans. Hamsterdam.

9. What's harder than catching a train when you*re late?
Ans. Throwing one.

10. What did the riverbed say when it agreed with the ocean floor?
Ans. "My sediments (sentiments) exactly."

11. Why did the mother bomb scold the baby bomb?
Ans. For ticking back.

12. If astronomers measure far distances in light years, how do birds measure far distances?
Ans. In flight years.

13. What's the difference between a star, a suit and a hose?
Ans. One twinkles, one wrinkles, and one sprinkles.

14. What^ a grease monkeys motto?
Ans. Oily to bed, oily to rise.

15. What's a housemaid^ motto?
Ans. Look before you sweep.

16. Where do monsters leam the cha-dia?
Ans. In Dance-ylvania (Transylwmia).

17. What's a baker's motto?
Ans. Dough or die.

18. What do tourists do in Transylvania?
Ans. They go frightseeing.

19. What^ a funeral directory motto?
Ans. Die now, pay later.

20. How can you understand something written in Transylvanian?
Ans. Transylated (translated).

21. What monster gets ite mouth washed out with soap at every full moon?
Ans. A swearwolf.

22. What trick do zombies teach their dogs?
Ans. To play dead.

23. Would you rather have a lion chase you or an elephant?
Ans. The lion should chase the elephant.

24. Why was the mother flea crying?
Ans. Her children had gone to the dogs.

25. Does a train have ears?
Ans. Yes it has engineers.

26. What do zombies fill with food on warm summer days?
Ans. Picnic caskets.

27. What's the Creature from the Black Lagoorfs favorite dessert?
Ans. Hot sludge sundaes.

28. How does the Creature fiwn the Black Lagoon score in basketball?
Ans. With a slime dunk {slam dunk).

29. What do zombie actors drive?
Ans. Re-hearses.

30. What theory do giggling zombies prove?
Ans. That there is laugh (life) after death.

31. What did Tinkerbell play with as a young fairy?
Ans.Tinker toys.

32. How far is it from one tree to the next in a forest?
Ans. Just a hop, skip, and a stump (jump).

33. What's an angel's motto?
Ans. You get what you pray (pay) for.

34. What witch writes mysteries?
Ans. Hagatha Christie.

35. How do witches play their records?
Ans. In scareo (stereo).

36. What did the witch get when she stayed at the inn?
Ans. Broom and board.

37. What did the winner of the witches' contest receive?
Ans. Cursed Prize.

38. Why don't mummies make good friends?
Ans. They're too wrapped up in themselves.

39. Why don't astronauts make good friends?
Ans. They're not down to earth.

40. Why didrft the Loch Ness Monster answer the door?
Ans. It was the serpents (servants) day off.

41. What is a ghost's favorite cereal?
Ans. Eeiro's.

42. What does a witch doctor call it if he does the same magic trick twice?
Ans. Deja VooDoo.

43. How does the sandman carry his sand?
Ans. In a napsack.

44. Why is tennis such a noise game?
Ans. The players all raise a racket.

45. What happens to ducks that fly upside down?
Ans. They quack up.

46. Where does a worm go in a cornfield?
Ans. In one ear and out the other.

47. What is over your head but under your hat?
Ans. Hair.

48. What is in your house that needs to be looked into?
Ans. A Mirror.

49. Why did the boy put the right shoe on first?
Ans. It would be silly to put the wrong one on.

50. What bow can never be tied?
Ans. Rainbow.

51. Why do ghouls and demons hang out together?
Ans. Because demons are a ghoul's best friend!

52. What happened to the guy who couldn't keep up payments to his exorcist?
Ans. He was repossessed.

53. What do goblins and ghosts drink when they're hot and thirsty on Halloween?
Ans. Ghoul-aid!!!

54. What is a Mummie's favorite type of music?
Ans. Wrap!!!!!

55. Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
Ans. Because demons are a ghouls best friend!

56. What's a monster's favorite bean?
Ans. A human bean.

57. What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?
Ans. A sand-witch.

58. Where does a ghost go on Saturday night?
Ans. Anywhere where he can boo-gie.

59. What do ghosts say when something is really neat?
Ans. Ghoul.

60. Why did the game warden arrest the ghost?
Ans. He didn't have a haunting license.

61. Why didn't the skeleton dance at the party?
Ans. He had no body to dance with.

62. Where does Count Dracula usually eat his lunch?
Ans. At the casketeria.

63. What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog?
Ans. He is mist.

64. Where did the goblin throw the football?
Ans. Over the ghoul line.

65. Why is a ghost such a messy eater?
Ans. Because he is always a goblin.

66. What do you call a goblin who gets too close to a bonfire?
Ans. A toasty ghosty.

67. What tops off a ghost's ice cream sundae?
Ans. Whipped scream.

68. What do you give a skeleton for valentine's day?
Ans. Bone-bones in a heart shaped box.

69. What is a vampires favorite holiday?
Ans. Fangsgiving.

70. What kind of makeup do ghosts wear?
Ans. mas-scare-a.

71. Who was the most famous ghost detective?
Ans. Sherlock Moans.

72. Who was the most famous witch detective?
Ans. Warlock Holmes.

73. Who was the most famous skeleton detective?
Ans. Sherlock Bones.

74, Who was the most famous French skeleton?
Ans. Napoleon bone-apart.

75. Which building does Dracula visit in New York?
Ans. The Vampire State Building.

76. What is a vampire's favorite ice cream flavor?
Ans. Veinilla...

77. Why is a haunted handkerchief so scary?
Ans. Because it has boogers...

78. What did the three vampires order at the bar?
Ans. Two bloods and a blood light...

79. How did the priest make holy water?
Ans. He took some tap water and boiled the hell out of it...

80. What do you give a vampire with a cold?
Ans. Coffindrops...

81. What do you use to mend a jack-o-lantem?
Ans. A pumpkin patch...

82. What kind of shoes do ghosts from Texas wear?
Ans. Boots;..

83. Why did the Cyclops have to close his school?
Ans. He only had one pupil...

84. Why isn't Dracula invited to many Halloween parties?
Ans. Because he's a pain in the neck...

85. Who is a skeleton's favorite emperor?
Ans. Napoleon Boneaparte...

86. Why did the vampires cancel their baseball game?
Ans. They couldn't find their bats...

87. What do you get when you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
Ans. Pumpkin pi...

88. Which monster likes to fly kites in the rain?
Benjamin Franklinstein...

89. What did the skeleton say to the bartender?
Ans. I'll have two beers and a mop...

90. What did the mummy say to the detective?
Ans. Let's wrap this case up...

91. Why was the witch kicked out of witching school?
Ans. Because she flunked spelling...

92. When a witch lands after flying, where does she park?
Ans. The broom closet...

93. Where was satan's son bom?
Ans. Deathlehem...

94. What did the horse say when it lost the race?
Ans. Whao to me.

95. What do dogs buy from travel agents?
Ans. Hound trip tickets.

96. What happened to the two bedbugs that fell in love?
Ans. They got married in the spring.

97. What do you call bugs that live on the moon?
Ans. Luna-ticks.

98. What kind of paper do mosquitoes like?
Ans. Scratch paper.

99. What is a mosquitoe's favorite sport?
Ans. Skin diving.

100. What did the mother lightning bug say to the father lightning bug?
Ans. Junior sure is bright.