1. What do you call a sleeping bull?
Ans. A bulldozer.

2. Why is Alabama the smartest state?
Ans. It has 4 A's and a B.

3. What do you get when you cross a clock and a rooster?
Ans. An alarm cluck.

4. What is a three letter mousetrap?
Ans. Cat.

5. What is the difference between a jeweler and a jailer?
Ans. One sells watches and the other watches cells.

6. What kind of doctor would you take a sick duck to?
Ans. A quack.

7. Why were 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6 scared?
Ans. Because 7 8 9.

8. What kind of shoes does a robber wear?
Ans. Sneakers.

9. What kind of markets do dogs hate?
Ans. Flea Markets.

10. What does a banana do when it sees a ghost?
Ans. It splits.

11. Why can't a bicycle stand up by itself?
Ans. It is two tired.

12. What is a good name for a straight-back camel?
Ans. Humpfree.

13. If a king sits on gold who sits on silver?
Ans. The Lone Ranger.

14. What did the door say to the window?
Ans. You sure are a pane.

15. Why did the orange stop in the middle of the street?
Ans. It ran out of juice.

16. How do you communicate with a fish?
Ans. Drop it a line.

17. Why do witches fly on broomsticks?
Ans. Vacumn cleaners cost too much.

18. What table has no legs?
Ans. A multiplication table.

19. What person has the loudest voice?
Ans. Ice creem man.

20. What is the smartest animal?
Ans. A skunk because it makes a lot of scents.

21. What goes up and never comes down?
Ans. Your age.

22. How are baseball teams and pancakes alike?
Ans. They both need a good batter.

23. What do you call a man who shaves 20 times a day?
Ans A barber.

24. Where do you put noisy dogs?
Ans. Barking Lot.

25. How do you make anti-freeze?
Ans. Take away her blanket.

26. What's better than a talking dog?
Ans. A spelling bee.

27. Why do turkeys eat so little?
Ans. They are always stuffed.

28. Why did the little ghost join the football squard?
Ans. He heard they needed a little team spirit.

29. Why did Mickey Mouse go into outer space?
Ans. He wanted to find Pluto.

30. Why don't bananas ever get lonely?
Ans. They are always in bunches.

31. What has hands and a face but no body or legs?
Ans. A clock.

32. What is a ghost's favorite article of clothing?
Ans. Boo jeans.

33. How do you make seven even?
Ans. Take away the s.

34. If seven copycats sit on a wall and one jumps off how many are left?
Ans. None.

35. Who wrote "Oh say can you see"?
Ans. An eye doctor.

36. Why did people start night baseball?
Ans. Because bats like to sleep in the daytime.

37. Why are fish smart?
Ans. They live in schools.

38. How do ghosts pass through locked doors?
Ans. They use a skeleton key.

39. What did one penny say to the other penny?
Ans. Let's get together and make some cents.

40. Which state is the happiest?
Ans. Maryland.

41. What did the candles say to the birthday cake?
Ans. These birthdays really burn me up.

42. What do you call a cat who ate a lemon?
Ans. A sourpuss.

43. Who is bigger Mr Bigger or his baby?
Ans. Hs baby is a little bigger.

44. What does a proud computer call his son?
Ans. A microchip off the old block.

45. What happened when the mad scientiest threw an elastic band into the computer?
Ans. It gave snappy answers.

46. What happens when you cross a computer and a midget?
Ans. A short circuit.

47. What has a mouth but doesn't speak and a bed it doesn't sleep in?
Ans. A river.

48. Which is the left side of a pie?
Ans. The side that isn't eaten.

49. Did you hear about the fight on the train?
Ans. The conducter punched a ticket.

50. At what time do you go to the dentist?
Ans. Tooth hurty.

51. Did you hear the joke about the rope?
Ans. Skip it.

52. Why did the cherry run across the road?
Ans. She was berry scared of being eaten.

53. Did you know Popeye was a sweet potato?
Ans. He was always saying "Yam, what I yam.

54. Why are potatos so scared of Indians?
Ans. They don't want to be scalloped.

55. What kind of music did the cowboy make when he threw a stone in the Rio Grande?
Ans. Plunk Rock.

56. What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ans. Ground beef.

57. What did one wall say to the other wall?
Ans. Meet you at the corner.

58. Where does an elephant keep his clothes?
Ans. In his trunk.

59. Where do you take a sick boat?
Ans. To the dock.

60. What goes through water but doesn't get wet?
Ans. A ray of light.

61. Why did the little boy bury his flashlight?
Ans. The batteries were dead.

62. What kind of train carries bubble gum?
Ans. Choo choo train.

63. What did one lamp say to the other lamp?
Ans. You turn me on.

64. What bet an never be won?
Ans. The alphabet.

65. What is the best way to see flying saucers?
Ans. Trip the waitress.

66. What do you put in a skeleton sandwich?
Ans. Bony baloney.

67. What do you call a test given to a criminal?
Ans. A con test.

68. What did the baby corn say to mama corn?
Ans. Where is my pop corn?

69. What month is the shortest?
Ans. May, it has three letters.

70. What do you get when you cross a bell and a hummingbird?
Ans. A humdinger.

71. What word has the most letters in it?
Ans. Mailbox.

72. When do you charge a Frankensteing monster?
Ans. When he can't pay cash.

73. Where do polar bears vote?
Ans. North Pole.

74. How does a monster count to 33?
Ans. On his fingers.

75. Where do dead cowboys go on Saturday night?
Ans. Ghost towns.

76. What is a volcano?
Ans. A mountain with hiccups.

77. When is an outlaw neither left-handed nor right-handed?
Ans. When he's underhanded.

78. What happened after the mannicurist and dentist got married?
Ans. They fought tooth and mail.

79. Why doesn't the corn life the farmer?
Ans. The farmer pulls the ears.

80. How come do golfers wear two pairs of shoes?
Ans. They might get a hole in one.

81. What kind of banks do alligators use?
Ans. River-banks.

82. What do you call a stupid mummy?
Ans. A dummy mummy.

83. Why did Mr. Stupid tiptoe past the medicine chest?
Ans. He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills.

84. If there were 20 dogs running after one what time is it?
Ans. Twenty after one.

85. What kind of animal needs to be oiled?
Ans. A mouse because it squeaks.

86. Why did the man climb to the top of the restaurant?
Ans. They told him the meal was on the house.

87. Why did the banker lose his job?
Ans. He never made any cents.

88. Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
Ans. Her students were very bright.

89. What did the hat say to the hat rack?
Ans. You stay here, I'll go on a head.

90. Why was the mummy sent into the game to be a pinch hitter?
Ans. With a mummy at bat the game would be all wrapped up.

91. What kind of horses frighten ranchers?
Ans. Nightmares.

92. What do you tell someone with ringing ears?
Ans. Answer them.

93. What does one frog tell another frog when he's right?
Ans. I toad you so.

94. If 1 is love and 2 is hate what is 3 and 4?
Ans. Seven.

95. When do you use a shovel to eat?
Ans. When you dig in.

96. What person adds best in hot weather?
Ans. Summer.

97. What is the laziest mountain in the world?
Ans. Mt. Ever-rest.

98. How do you call a monster?
Ans. From far away.

99. How does a ghost celebrate New Year's Eve?
Ans. He paints the town dead.

100. Why would anyone hire an elephant?
Ans. He likes to work for peanuts.