1, What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Ans. Hailing buses.

2. What is Sleeping Beauty's maid's name?
Ans. Sweeping Beauty.

3. What did one strawberry say to the other strawberry?
Ans. If it weren't for you I wouldn't be in a jam.

4. What two things can a monster never have for breakfast?
Ans. Lunch and dinner.

5. What time is it when the clock strikes thirteen?
Ans. Time to get a new clock.

6. What would you get if you crossed an ocean and a thief?
Ans. A crime wave.

7. What has four wheels and flies?
Ans. A garbage truck.

8. Why did the jelly roll?
Ans. It saw the apple turnover.

9. When is a tree like a woman's coat?
Ans. When it is a fir.

10. Why can't it rain two days in a row?
Ans. There is a night in between.

11. What did the guitar say to the rock star?
Ans. Stop picking on me.

12. What kind of house weighs the least?
Ans. A lighthouse.

13. Why did the dragon breathe on the map of the earth?
Ans. He wanted to set the world on fire.

14. Why did the cowboy saddle up th phonograph record?
Ans. He wanted to be a disc jockey.

15. What do you get when you cross a baseball and vegetables?
Ans. A tossed salad.

16. Why does a banana use suntan lotion?
Ans. To keep from peeling.

17. Why is a room full of married people still empty?
Ans. There is not a single person in it.

18. Why doesn't a grizzly bear wear shoes?
Ans. He wants bear feet.

19. How did the sherriff find the missing barber?
Ans. He combed the town.

20. What kind of home does a buffalo roam?
Ans. A very dirty one.

21. What has more lives than a cat?
Ans. A frog, it croaks every night.

22. Why is the soil along the river rich?
Ans. There are banks on both sides.

23. Why did the ghost go to a disco?
Ans. He was a boogie man.

24. Why couldn't the sailors play cards.
Ans. The captain was standing on the deck.

25. Why does the army like popcorn so much?
Ans. It has kernels in it.

26. What drives baseball batters crazy?
Ans. Pitchers who throw screwballs.

27. Why is a scrambled egg like a losing baseball team?
Ans. They are both beaten.

28. Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
Ans. It had no guts.

29. What's the best thing to take when you are tun down?
Ans. The number of the car that hits you.

30. Why is a tennis game such a noisy game?
Ans. The players all raise a racket.

31. What do you call the fattest female phantom?
Ans. The ghostess with the mostess.

32. If a man smashed a clock could he be accused of killing time?
Ans. Not if the clock struck first.

33. How do you make a lemon drop?
Ans. Pick it up and let it go.

34. Why did the lady throw butter our the window?
Ans. To see the butterfly.

35. Why does the bee hum?
Ans. It doesn't know the words.

36. What kind of shoes do bananas wear?
Ans. Slippers.

37. What is the hottest day of the year?
Ans. Friday.

38. Which two boys are always in school?
Ans. Art and Jim.

39. What does a ghost put in coffee?
Ans. Scream and sugar.

40. What is the longest a nose can grow?
Ans. Eleven inches, otherwise it would be a foot.

41. Why is a toupee like a secret?
Ans. You keep them under your hat.

42. Who is a sound sleeper.
Ans. Someone who snores.

43. Why did the class clown give the girl a dog biscuit?
Ans. She was the teacher's pet.

44. What did one tonsil say to the other tonsil?
Ans. Better get dressed, the doctor is taking us out tonight.

45. What did one tomato say to the other tomato.
Ans. Catch up.

46. What do ants marry?
Ans. Uncles.

47. How did the rocket lose its job?
Ans. It got fired.

48. How does a pony have fun?
Ans. He horses around.

49. Why did the basketball coach flood the gym?
Ans. He wanted to send in a sub.

50. What figures do the most walking?
Ans. Roman numerals.

51. What are goose bumps good for?
Ans. To keep geese from speeding?

52. What did the envelop say when it was licked?
Ans. Nothing, it shut up.

53. What do you get when you cross a monster and an owl?
Ans. An animal that frightens people but doesn't give a hoot.

64. What did the boyoctopus say to the girl octopus?
Ans. I want to hold your hand hand hand hand hand hand hand hand.

55. What is a kangeroo's favorite year?
Ans. Leap Year.

56. What did one elevator say to the other elevator?
Ans. I'm moving up in the world.

57. If athletes get athlete's foot what do astronaunts get?
Ans. Missile Toe.

58. Why wouldn't the sheriff handle the dictionary?
Ans. He heard it had dynamite in it.

59. What did one arithmatic book say to the other arithmatic book?
Ans. I hate problems and I have lots of them.

60. How do you keep a fish from smelling?
Ans. Cut off its nose.

61. Why was Cinderella standing outside the camera shop?
Ans. She was waiting for the prints.

62. When can you jump over three men without getting up?
Ans. In a checker game.

63. What did the grape say to the elephant that stepped on him?
Ans. Nothing it just gave a wine.

64. What game do ghost children play?
Ans. Peek-A-Boo.

65. Why couldn't the man buy a bakery shop?
Ans. He couldn't raise enough dough.

66. What do you call a short sun-burned outlaw riding a horse?
Ans. Little Red Riding Hood.

67. What do you call little bugs that live on the moon?
Ans. Lun-ticks.

68. Where do cows go on Saturday night?
Ans. To th moo-oo-vies.

69. What is the best way to keep water from running?
Ans. Don't pay the water bill.

70. Have you heard the joke about the roof?
Ans. It's over your head.

71. What did one tooth say to the other tooth?
Ans. The dentist's taking me out tonight.

72. What tv shows do potatos watch?
Ans. Mash, Chips, and Roots.

73. What do you get when you cross a rabbit with insects?
Ans. Bugs Bunny.

74. How do you get an elephant to follow you?
Ans. Act like a nut.

75. What is easy to get into but hard to get out of?
Ans. Trouble.

76. Why did the cowboy brush his teeth with gunpowder?
Ans. So he could shoot off his mouth.

77. What would happen if an ice crem cone picked a fight with Jesse James?
Ans. The ice cream cone would get licked.

78. If a dog had no nose how would he smell?
Ans. Like a dog.

79. What did one glue say to the other glue?
Ans. Let's stick together.

80. What happens when potatos get really mad?
Ans. They are steamed.



81. What did the mayonnaise say to the refrigerator?
Ans. Close the door, I am dressing.

82. What kind of meat do vampires hate?
Ans. Steak.

83. What do you call Jesse James when he has the flu?
Ans. A sick shooter.

84. What has four eyes and cannot see?
Ans. The Mississippi.

85. If the marines and navy were playing basketball and all the marines fouled out what would they put in?
Ans. Submarines

86. What goes 99 thump 99 thump?
Ans. A centipede with a wooden leg.

87. What is a cat's favorite song?
Ans. Three Blind Mice.

88. Why did the stop light turn red?
Ans. So would you if you had to change in the middle of the street.

89. How do you make friends with a computer?
Ans. Bit by bit.

90. How many sides does a house have?
Ans. Two, the indside and the outside.

91. What do you get when you cross a gangster and a garbage truck?
Ans. Organized grime.

92. Why did the rabbit eat dinner under the sink?
Ans. He found a leek there.

93. Guess who I saw today?
Ans. Everybody I looked at.

94. What newspaper do cattle read?
Ans. The Daily Moos.

95. What did the victim say when the outlaw stuffed a dirty cloth in his mouth?
Ans. That's an old gag.

96. What do you call an outlaw with cotten stuffed in his ears?
Ans. Anything you want he can't hear you.

97. What is worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?
Ans. A centipede with sore feet.

98. Why does a tall man eat less than a short man?
Ans. He makes a little go a long way.

99. Do you know a baker is an unselfish person?
Ans. He sells what he kneeds himself.

100. What book contains more stirring pages than any other?
Ans. A cookbook.