1. Why is the letter D like a bad boy?
Ans. It makes ma mad.

2. One morning a boy couldn't find his trousers so what did he do?
Ans. He raced around the room until he was breathing in short pants.

3. Across the land, by train and air, so cheap yet travels everywhere what is it?
Ans. Postage stamps.

4. What is the difference between a hill and a pill?
Ans. One is hard to get up and the other is hard to get down.

5. You can only have it while you sit, what is it?
Ans. Your lap.

6. Why does a hen lay eggs?
Ans. If she dropped them they would break.

7. How can it be proved that a horse has six legs?
Ans. He has fore (four) legs in front and two behind.

8. Why did the little red house call a doctor?
Ans. It had a window pane.

9. What always has an eye open but never sees a thing?
Ans. A needle.

10. What is it that you must keep after you give it to someone?
Ans. Your word.

11. Why did the donkey get a passport?
Ans. He wanted to be a travel burro.

12. What ball moves but is never thrown or caught?
Ans. Eyeball.

13. What did the Eskimo have when he wrote c-o-l-d?
Ans. A cold spell.

14. Why did the lion stand when he made a big noise?
Ans. He wanted to make an uproar.

15. What is history's favorite fruit?
Ans. Dates.

16. What is the longest word?
Ans. Smiles, there is a mile between the letters.

17. What besides your hand has four fingers and a thumb?
Ans. A glove.

18. What has no end and no beginning?
Ans. A circle.

19. How do you know flowers are lazy?
Ans. You always find them in bed.

20. What is the best butter in the world?
Ans. A goat.

21. What is the best thing to put in pie?
Ans. Your teeth.

22. What can float and sink at the same time?
Ans. An egg.

23. What animal grows skin but has skin that does not grow?
Ans. A snake.

24. Why is a lollipop like a horse?
Ans. The more its licked the faster it goes.

25. What word gets shorter when you add two letters?
Ans. Short gets shorter.

26. What tree can be burned and still be itself?
Ans. An ash.

27. Why is a goose like an icicle?
Ans. They both grow down.

28. What bird is low spirited?
Ans. The blue-bird.

29. Which shellfish are emblems of silence?
Ans. Clams.

30. Why did the singer buy a large stove?
Ans. She wanted a wide range.

31. What do you call someone who tends sheep in Germany?
Ans. A German Shepherd.

32. What never runs but can be caught?
Ans. A cold.

33. Why didn't the ghost want to go fishing?
Ans. He liked to go haunting instead.

34. Why did the grandfather clock want to be in a parade?
Ans. He heard that time marches on.

35. Why did the cow look for a telephone?
Ans. Seeing it she knew she could make a long distance caw.

36. Why did the man look for words that meant angry?
Ans. So he could make a crossword puzzle.

37. What did a mother bear from France give her cub?
Ans. A French cuff.

38. Why did the Eskimo boy put on ten pairs of mittens to wave good bye?
Ans. He wanted to make a heat wave.

39. Why did the raindrp fall into a pail?
Ans. He wanted to be a drop in the bucket.

40. Why did the boy put oil on his monkey?
Ans. He wanted to see monkey shine.

41. Why did the gangster put a penny into the bubble gum machine?
Ans. He wanted machine gum.

42. What happened when the Indian rain dancers formed a chorus?
Ans. They sang up a storm.

43. Why did the mouse go on a diet?
Ans. She wanted to be a mini mouse.

44. Why did the monkey cut his banana in helf?
Ans. He wanted a banana split.

45. Why did the bald man buy a rabbit?
Ans. He wanted a head of hair.

46. Three girls walked to school under one umbrella so why didn't they get wet?
Ans. It wasn't raining.

47. What's the difference between an old dime and a new penny?
Ans. Nine Cents.

48. When do we have four hands?
Ans. When we double our fists.

49. Why did the lady stand next to the vault at the bank?
Ans. She wanted to be on the safe side.

50. How could your mother pull the wool over your eyes?
Ans. Knit a cap too big.

51. What do you call a mosquitto's home?
Ans. A pest nest.

62. When you stop talking what are you giving your mouth?
Ans. A yap nap.

53. What could you call a carpenter?
Ans. A hammer slammer.

54. If you could choose how you wanted to sound what would you have?
Ans. A voice choice.

55. What has 10 letters and starts with gass?
Ans. An automobile.

56. What is good for a bald head?
Ans. A lot of hair.

57. Why don't women get bald before men?
Ans. They wear their hair longer.

58. What state do you mention every time you greet a good friend?
Ans. Hawaii (how are you).

59. On which side does a robin have the most feathers?
Ans. The outside.

60. What did one lily say to the other lily?
Ans. Take me to your weeder.

61. What appears in summer and winter but not in spring?
Ans. The letter e.

62. What is in the very center of America?
Ans. The letter R.

63. What is the greatest feat of strength ever performed in the US?
Ans. Wheeling West Virginia.

64. What kind of coat is put on wet?
Ans. A coat of paint.

65. Why is the bowling alley so quiet?
Ans. You can always hear a pin drop.

66. What do you have that is most useful if used up?
Ans. An umbrella.

67. What do you call a crying contest?
Ans. A bawl game.

68. Why did the cornstalk hear so much?
Ans. It was all ears.

69. What did the teacher say when she heard she had six girls named Mary in class?
Ans. The more the Maryer.

70. What do you have when a school boy in Russia gets up in the morning?
Ans. Russian dressing.

71. What asks no questions but demands answers?
Ans. The doorbell.

72. When is an artist dangerous?
Ans. When his designs are bad.

73. What is plowed but not planted?
Ans. Snow.

74. Why is air fresher in winter than in summer?
Ans. It's kept on ice.

75. What's the best stocking to hang on Christmas Eve?
Ans. Santyhose.

76. What freezes as it melts?
Ans. An icicle.

77. When wil water stop running down hill?
Ans. When it reaches the bottom.

78. What gives a cold and pays the doctor?
Ans. A draft.

79. What's the difference between the north pole and the south pole?
Ans. All the difference in the world.

80. Why is a church bell like an orange?
Ans. They both peel.

81. What kind of phone call is it when one preacher calls another preacher?
Ans. Parson to parson.

82. Why didn't the parrot talk until after he ate his dinner?
Ans. He wanted to be an after dinner speaker.

83. Why did the pig dress like a clown?
Ans. The farmer said he would be a good ham.

84. When may a chair be said to dislike you?
Ans. When it can't bear you.

85. What is it that once lost can't be found?
Ans. Time.

86. Why are people so friendly to waitresses?
Ans. They want to make a play for large steaks.

87. When does a letter bring tears to your eyes?
Ans. When it is written on onion skin paper.

88. How many wives is a man given by the minister in a marriage service?
Ans. Sixteen: 4 better, 4 worse, 4rich, and 4 poor.

89. How did the man know he needed a shave?
Ans. A little beard told him.

90. What flower grows between your nose and your chin?
Ans. Tullips.

91. What is a good example of wasted energy?
Ans. Telling hair raising stories to a bald man.

92. If you put three ducks in a crate what would you have?
Ans. A box of quackers.

93. When is a dog most likely to enter a house?
Ans. When the door is open.

94. Why is the sea restless?
Ans. It has rocks in its bed.

95. What did Adam do when he wanted sugar?
Ans. He raised Cain.

96. What is hardest about learning to ride a bike?
Ans. The pavement.

97. What runs in and out of town all day and night?
Ans. A road.

98. What gets longer when cut at both ends?
Ans. A ditch.

99. What makes a road broad?
Ans. The letter B.

100. If a carrot and a cabbage ran a race which would win?
Ans. The cabbage because it's a head.