1. Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
Ans. No body.

2. What do skeletons say before they begin dining?
Ans. Bone appetit!

3. When does a skeleton laugh?
Ans. When something tickles his funny bone.

4. Why didn't the skeleton dance at the Halloween party?
Ans. It had no body to dance with.

5. What type of art do skeletons like?
Ans. Skull tares.

6. What did the skeleton say when his brother told a lie?
Ans. You can't fool me, I can see right through you.

7. What did the skeleton say while riding his Harley Davidson motorcycle?
Ans. I'm bone to be wild!

8. Why didn't the skeleton dance at the party?
Ans. He had no body to dance with.

9. What do you give a skeleton for valentine's day?
Ans. Bone-bones in a heart shaped box.

10. Who was the most famous skeleton detective?
Ans. Sherlock Bones.

11. Who was the most famous French skeleton?
Ans. Napoleon bone-apart.

12. What instrument do skeletons play?
Ans. Trom-BONE.

13. What does a skeleton orders at a restaurant?
Ans. Spare ribs!!!

14. When does a skeleton laugh?
Ans. When something tickles his funny bone.

15. Why didn't the skeleton eat the cafeteria food?
Ans. Because he didn't have the stomach for it!

16. Why couldn't the skeleton cross the road?
Ans. He didn't have the guts.

17. Why are skeletons usually so calm?
Ans. Nothing gets under their skin!

18. Why do skeletons hate winter?
Ans. Beacuse the cold goes right through them!

19. Why are graveyards so noisy?
Ans. Beacause of all the coffin!
BR> 20. Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
Ans. He had no body to go with!

2l. Why are skeltons always happy when they are walking around?
Ans. They had a rattling good time!

22. Why did the skeleton go to hospital?
Ans. To have his ghoul stones removed!

23. How did the skeleton know it was going to rain?
Ans. He could feel it in his bones!

24. What's a skeleton's favourite musical instrument?
Ans. A trom-bone!

25. How do skeletons call their friends?
Ans. On the telebone!

26. What City Gets Its Name From Dropping A Waffle On The Beach?
Ans. Sandy Eggo.

27. Why Aren't Elephants Allowed On The Beach?
Ans. They Can't Keep Their Trunks Up.

28. What Did The Barber Do On His Vacation?
Ans. He Combed The Beach.

29. Why Did Frankie Avalon Refuse To Walk A Tightrope In His Last Beach Movie?
Ans. He Was Afraid To Work Without Annette.

30. Does The Bible Say That If You Smoke You Can't Get To Heaven?
Ans. No, But The More You Smoke The Quicker You'll Get There.

31. How Many Fundamentalists Does It Take To Screw In A Light Bulb?
Ans. The Bible Doesn't Mention Light Bulbs.

32. What Are The Two Smallest Animals Mentioned In The Bible?
Ans. The Wicked Flea And The Widow's Mite.

33. What Is The First Recorded Case Of Constipation In The Bible?
Ans. It's In Kings, Where It Says That David Sat On The Throne For Forty Years.

34. What Kind Of Motor Vehicles Are In The Bible?
Ans. Jehovah Drove Adam And Eve Out Of The Garden In A Fury.

35. What Stretches More, Skin Or Rubber.
Ans. Skin. It Says In The Bible That Abraham Tied His Ass To A Tree And Walked 40 Miles.

36. What Was One Of The First Example Of Math In The Bible?
Ans. God Told Adam To Go Forth And Multiply.

37. What Was The Longest Day In The Bible?
Ans. The First; It Had No Eve.

38. Where Is The First Baseball Game In The Bible?
Ans. In The Big Inning, Eve Stole First, Adam Stole Second. Cain Struck Out Abel, And The Prodigal Son Came Home. The Giants And The Angels Were Rained Out.

39. Where Is The First Tennis Match Mentioned In The Bible?
Ans. When Joseph Served In Pharaoh's's Court.

40. Which Servant Of Jehovah Was The Most Flagrant Lawbreaker In The Bible?
Ans. Moses. Because He Broke All 10 Commandments At Once.

41. Who Is The First King In The Bible?
Ans. King James, If You Have That Version.

42. Who Is The First Woman In The Bible?
Ans. Jenny's Sis

43. Who Is The Greatest Babysitter Mentioned In The Bible?
Ans. David. He Rocked Goliath To Sleep.

44. Who Was The First Drug Addict In The Bible?
Ans. Nebuchadnezzar. He Was On Grass For Seven Years.

45. Who Was The Greatest Comedian In The Bible?
Ans. Samson. He Brought The House Down.

46. Who Was The Greatest Female Financier In The Bible?
Ans. Pharaoh's Daughter. She Went Down To The Bank Of The Nile And Drew Out A Little Prophet.

47. Who Was The Greatest Mathematician In The Bible?
Ans. Moses - He Wrote The Book Of Numbers.

48. How Do You Know Computers Have Been Around Since Biblical Times?
Ans. Because Eve Had An Apple And Adam Had A Wang.

49. What Biblical Character Was Fatherless?
Ans. Joshua -- Who Was The Son Of Nun! 50. Do You Know What Happened To The Pregnant Woman Who Got Frightened By The Bear At The Zoo?
Ans. Her Baby Was Born With Bare Feet!

51. How Do Bears Walk?
Ans. In Their Bear Feet.

52. How Do You Catch A Polar Bear?
Ans. Cut A Hole In The Ice And Set An Open Can Of Peas Next To The Hole. When He Comes To Take A Pea, Kick Him In The Ice Hole.

53. How Do You Hire A Teddy Bear?
Ans. Put Him On Stilts!

54. On The Cartoon Yogi Bear, Why Didn't They Make 2 Yogi's?
Ans. Because They Made A Boo Boo Instead.

55. What Did The Teddy Bear Say After It Ate?
Ans. I'm Stuffed!

56. What Do You Call An Exhausted Bear?
Ans. Winnie The Pooped!

57. What Do You Get When You Cross A Bear With A Skunk?
Ans. Winnie The Phew!

58. What Is A Furry Alligator?
Ans. A Bear That Went Into The Woods At 5 O'clock.

59. What Is The Difference Between A Bear And An Ant?
Ans. About 2,000 Pounds.

60. What Is The Difference Between A Big Embrace And A Louse?
Ans. One Is A Bear Hug And The Other A Hair Bug.

61. What Is The Difference Between A Grizzly Bear And A Black Bear?
Ans. Just Climb A Tree. If It Climbs The Tree After You, It's A Black Bear. If It Knocks The Tree Down, It's A Grizzly Bear.

62. What Kind Of Singers Do You Find In Yellowstone National Park?
Ans. Bear-Itones.

63. What Sign Did The Grizzlies Put Up?
Ans. Support Your Right To Bear Arms.

64. Why Didn't Smokey The Bear Ever Have Children?
Ans. Because Every Time His Wife Got Hot, He'd Hit Her Over The Head With A Shovel.

65. Why Do People In The Arctic Always Walk Around In Two's?
Ans. If A Polar Bear Shows Up, They Can Trip The Other Guy.

66. Why Does A Dog Have Fur?
Ans. So That It's Not A Little Bear!

67. Why Is Polar Bear Cheap To Have As A Pet?
Ans. It Lives On Ice!

68. Why Did The Polar Bear Go To The South Pole?
Ans. To Visit Aunt Artica!

69. What Do You Call A Bear's Parents Parents?
Ans. Forbearers (Four Bears).

70. What Did The Teddy Bear Say When He Was Offered Dessert?
Ans. No Thanks, I'm Stuffed!

71. Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day?
Ans. Regular rocks are too heavy.

72. Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun?
Ans. Because they're always a little short.

73. Why do leprechauns have pots o'gold?
Ans. They like to "go" first class!

74. How can you tell if an Irishman is having a good time?
Ans. He's Dublin over with laughter!

75. How did the Irish Jig get started?
Ans. Too much to drink and not enough restrooms!

76. What do you call an Irishman who knows how to control his wife?
Ans. A bachelor.

77. What kind of music does a leprechaun band play?
Ans. Shamrock 'n' roll!

78. Why did St. Patrick drive the snakes out of Ireland?"
Ans. "Because it was too far for them to crawl."

79. What would you get if you crossed a leprechaun with a frog?
Ans. A little green with a croak of gold!

80. What did the leprechaun say to the elf?
Ans. "How's the weather up there?'

81. How is Ducktape like the Force?
Ans. It has a Dark Side, a Light side and it binds the galaxy together.

82. What do Whipids say when they kiss?
Ans. Ouch.

83. Why does Leia wear buns on her head?
Ans. In case she gets hungry in a Senate meeting.

84. Why did the Stormtrooper start jumping up and down?
Ans. He stepped on Ant-hillies.

85. What do Star Destroyers wear to parties?
Ans. A bow TIE.

86. Why did the crazy Angrallian Toobir cross the nebula?
Ans. To get to the other dementia.

87. Why did the smuggler cross the spacelanes?
Ans. To get to the other side.

88. What's the differance between an ATAT and a stormtrooper?
Ans. One's an Imperial walker and the other is a walking Imperial.

89. How many Sith does it take to screw in a hyperdrive?
Ans. Two, but I don't know how they got in it.

90. How many stormtroopers does it take to replace a lightbulb?
Ans. Two; one to screw the bulb in, the other to shoot him and take the credit.

91. What goes, "Ha, ha, ha, haaaa.... AGGGHHHH! Thump"?
Ans. An Imperial Officer laughing at Darth Vader.

92. Why did Yoda cross the road?
Ans. Because the chickens Forced him to.

93. What side of an Ewok has the most hair?
Ans. The outside.

94. Who tries to be a Jedi?
Ans. Obi-Wannabe

95. Why did the Ewok fall out of the tree?
Ans. It was dead.

96. Why should you never tell jokes on the Falcon?
Ans. The ship might crack up.

97. What happens when a red and white X-Wing crashes into green water?
Ans. It gets wet.

98. Why do Twi'leks like to flip coins?
Ans. So that they can say, "Heads or tails!"

99. As a Disney character what song would Vader sing?
Ans. "When You Wish Upon A Death Star".

100. What time is it when an AT-AT steps on your chronometer?
Ans. Time to get a new chronometer.