1. Why was the student vampire tired in the morning?
Ans. Because he was up all night studying for his blood test!!!

2. Why should a skeleton drink 10 glasses of milk a day?
Ans. It's good for the bones.

3. Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry?
Ans. They're afraid of flying off the handle!

4. Why don't skeletons like parties?
Ans. They have no body to dance with.

5. Why do mummies make excellent spies?
Ans. They're good at keeping things under wraps.

6. Why do vampires drink blood?
Ans. Because coffee keeps them awake all day!

7. Why doesn't Dracula have any friends?
Ans. Because he's a pain in the neck!

8. Why did the mummy call the doctor?
Ans. Because he was coffin.

9. Why did the ghost go to the doctor?
Ans. To get his boo-ster shot?

10. Why are there fences around cemeteries?
Ans. Because people are dying to get in.

11. Who did Frankenstein take to the prom?
Ans. His ghoul friend.

12. Where does Dracula water ski?
Ans. On Lake Erie

13. Where does Count Dracula make his withdrawals?
Ans. At the blood bank.

14. When does a ghost need a license?
Ans. During "haunting" season.

15. What's a haunted chicken?
Ans. A poultry-geist.

16. What was the witches' favorite subject in school?
Ans. Spelling

17. What would you call the ghost of a door-to-door salesman?
Ans. A dead ringer.

18. What do little ghosts drink?
Ans. Evaporated milk.

19. What type of coffee do vampires prefer?
Ans. Decoffinated!

20. What time would it be if five demons were chasing you?
Ans. Five after one.

21. What kind of mistakes do spooks make?
Ans. Boo boos

22. What do ghosts serve for dessert?
Ans. Ice Scream

23. What kind of boat pulls Dracula when he water skis?
Ans. A blood vessel

24. How did the ghost patch his sheet?
Ans. With a pumpkin patch.

25. What did the Mommy ghost say to the baby ghost?
Ans. Don't spook until your spooken to.

26. What did the Mommy Vampire say to the Baby Vampire?
Ans. "You are driving me batty."

27. What did the monster eat after the dentist pulled his tooth?
Ans. The dentist!

28. What do ghouls order at McMonsters?
Ans. Handburgers.

29. What do spooks call their Navy?
Ans. The ghost guard.

30. What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?
Ans. Squash

31. Why do cemeteries have fences around them?
Ans. Because people are dying to get in.

32. Why do witches think they're funny?
Ans. Every time they look in the mirror, it cracks up.

33. Why did the tiny ghost join the football squad?
Ans. He had heard that they needed a little team spirit !

34. Why don't skeletons like to eat spicy food?
Anx. They can't stomach it!

35. What did the boy elephant say to the girl elephant on Valentine's Day?
Ans. I love you a ton!

36. What did the boy bat say to the girl bat on Valentine's Day?
Ans. You're fun to hang around with!

37. What did the boy cat say to the girl cat on Valentine's Day?
Ans. You're purrr-fect for me!

38. What did the boy pickle say to the girl pickle on Valentine's Day?
Ans. You mean a great dill to me!

39. What did the boy bird say to the girl bird on Valentine's Day?
Ans. Let me call you Tweet heart!

40. What did the boy squirrel say to the girl squirrel on Valentine's Day?
Ans. I'm nuts about you!

41. What did the girl squirrel say to the boy squirrel on Valentine's Day?
Ans. You're nuts so bad yourself!

42. What did the boy rabbit say to the girl rabbit on Valentine's Day?
Ans. Somebunny likes you!

43. Why did the vampire go to the orthodontist?
Ans. To improve his bite...

44. What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Ans. Frostbite...

45. Why do witches use brooms to fly on?
Ans. Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy...

46. How do witches keep their hair in place while flying?
Ans. With scare spray...

47. What do you get when you cross a werewolf and a vampire?
Ans. A fur coat that fangs around your neck...

48. Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
Ans. No, they eat the fingers separately...

49. Why don't skeletons ever go out on the town?
Ans. Because they don't have any body to go out with...

50. What do ghosts add to their morning cereal?
Ans. Booberries...

51. What is a vampire's favorite sport?
Ans. Casketball...

52. What is a vampire's favorite holiday?
Ans. Fangsgiving...

53. What would a monster's psychiatrist be called?
Ans. Shrinkenstein...

54. What did one ghost say to the other ghost?
Ans. "Do you believe in people?"

55. What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes?
Ans. A cereal killer...

56. Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends?
Ans. They're so wrapped up in themselves...

57. What kind of streets do zombies like the best?
Ans. Dead ends...

58. What does the papa ghost say to his family when driving?
Ans. Fasten your sheet belts...

59. What is a vampire's favorite mode of transportation?
Ans. A blood vessel...

60. What is a ghost's favorite mode of transportation?
Ans. A scareplane...

61. What type of dog do vampire's like the best?
Ans. Bloodhounds...

62. What is a ghoul's favorite flavor?
Ans. Lemon-slime...

63. What does a vampire never order at a restaurant?
Ans. A stake sandwich...

64. What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument?
Ans. A trombone...

65. What do birds give out on Halloween night?
Ans. Tweets...

66. Why do vampires need mouthwash?
Ans. They have bat breath...

67. What's a vampire's favorite fast food?
Ans. A guy with very high blood pressure...

68. Why did the Vampire subscribe to the Wall Street Journal?
Ans. He heard it had great circulation...

69. Why did Santa have three gardens?
Ans. So he could hoe, hoe, hoe!

70. What did the cow say on Christmas morning?
Ans. Mooo-ry Christmas!

71. What goes ho-ho-swoosh? 
Ans. Santa caught in a revolving door!

72. What is the end of Christmas?
Ans. The letter s!

73. What do you call a flamingo at the North Pole?
Ans. Lost!

74. What did one angel say to the other?
Ans. Halo there!

75. What did Santa Claus say to Mrs. Claus when he looked out the window?
Ans. It looks like rain, dear!  (rein-deer)

76. What is the difference between the alphabet and the Christmas alphabet?
Ans. The Christmas alphabet has No L!  (Noel) 

77. What did the big candle say to the little candle?
Ans. I'm going out tonight!

78. What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas?
Ans. Thanks, I'll never part with it!

79. What did the buck say to the doe on Christmas Day?
Ans. Merry Christmas, Dear!

80. How do sheep greet each other at Christmas?
Ans. Merry Christmas to ewe!

81. How do Mexican sheep say Merry Christmas?
Ans. Fleece Navidad!

82. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Ans. Snowflakes!

83. What do snowmen eat for lunch?
Ans. Iceburgers!

84. What kind of ball doesn't bounce?
Ans. A snowball!

85. Who delivers presents to good little baby sharks at Christmas?
Ans. Santa Jaws!

86. Who delivers presents to good little baby kitties at Christmas?
Ans. Santa Paws!

87. What do monkeys sing at Christmas?
Ans. Jungle Bells!

88. What do reindeer have that no other animal on earth has?
Ans. Baby reindeer!

89. What's red and green and guides Santa's sleigh?
Ans. Rudolph the red-nosed pickle!

90. How do you know if there's a reindeer in your refrigerator?
Ans. Look for hoofprints in the butter!

91. Why did the Christmas cookie go to the doctor?
Ans. It was feeling crummy!

92. Why did Santa push his bed into the fireplace?
Ans. He wanted to sleep like a log!

93.  What goes OH, OH, OH?
Ans.  Santa walking backwards!

94. What made the passengers get off the greyhound?
Ans. The Flea Collar.

95. What is long skinny and beats on a drum?
Ans. Yankee Noodle.

96. What did the big monster say to the little monster?
Ans. Father knows beast.

97. What can be served but not eaten?
Ans. A tennis ball.

98. What do you call the good lions in the jungle?
Ans. Dandelions

99. What did the mother scissors say to the baby scissors?
Ans. Cut it out.

100. What part of the newspaper has the most math in it?
Ans. The Ad Section.