1. What did they give the man who inventer the door knocker?
Ans. The No bell prize.

2. What is the cat's favorite play?
Ans. Ro-meow and Juliet.

3. Who eats spinach and makes suits?
Ans. Popeye the Tailor Man.

4. What do you call a pretty girl using a broom?
Ans. Sweeping Beauty.

5. Why did the coach go to outer space?
Ans. He wanted to find an ll-star team.

6. When is a cookout like a lineup at the hair cutter's?
Ans. When it's a barber-queen.

7. Why does a pitcher raise one leg when he pitches?
Ans. If he'd raise both he'd fall down.

8. What can move a tree but not a stone?
Ans. The Wind.

9. What did the pencil say to the paper?
Ans. I dot my I's on you.
10. What do you call a web that a spider just finished weaving?
Ans. A newly-web.

11. What happened when the frog broke down on the highway?
Ans. He got toad away.

12. Why did Irving disconnect the doorbell?
Ans. He wanted to win the N-bel prize.

13. If a dog loses his tail where can he get another one?
Ans. At the retail store.

14. What time was it when Sir Lancelot looked at his stomach?
Ans. The middle of the knight.

15. Where do spies do most of their shopping?
Ans. At a snooper market.

16. What did one earthquake say to the other earthquake when something went wrong?
Ans. It's not my fault.

17. Why do eagles fly to the topof a mountain?
Ans. They can't walk up there.

18. How many miles did Paul Revere gallop?
Ans. None his horse galloped.

19. How does the man on the moon cut his hair?
Ans. Eclipse it.

20. What did the one witch say to the twin witches?
Ans. Which witch is which.

21. What time of day do astronauts eat?
Ans. Launchtime.

22. Why does lightning shock people?
Ans. It doesn't know how to conduct itself.

23. What did the boy egg ay to the girl egg?
Ans. Shell we dance.

24. What is black when you buy it, red when you use it, and grey when you throw it away?
Ans. Charcoal.

25. What do you call a wild ig with nothing to say?
Ans. A boar.

26. If people live in condos where do ducks live?
Ans. Pondos.

27. Where do turkeys go when thay want to dance?
Ans. The fowl ball.

28. What did the mother buffalo way to the baby buffalo?
Ans. Bye son.

29. In what country are baseball scores always even?
Ans. Thailand.

30. Where's the best place to find books about trees?
Ans. A branch library.

31. How do fishermen decide which fish to catch?
Ans. They take a pole.

32. What happens if you don't pay your exorcist?
Ans. You get repossessed.

33. What do you call a lion tamer who sticks his right arm down a lion's throat?
Ans. Lefty.

34. What were Tarzan's last words?
Ans. Who greased the vine?

35. Where do puppies who don't have houses live?
Ans. Apupments.

36. In what school do you learn to greet people?
Ans. Hischool.

37. Why couldn't the skeleton go to school?
Ans. He had nobody to go with.

38. Wh was the pig named Ink?
Ans. It kept running out of the pen.

39. Who wrote "Oh say can you see"?
Ans. An eye doctor.

40. Why did people start night baseball?
Ans. Because bats like to sleep in the daytime.

41. Why are fish so smart?
Ans. They live in schools.

42. How do ghosts pass through locked doors?
Ans. They use a skeleton key.

43. What did one penny say to the other penny?
Ans. Let's get together it will make more cents.

44. What state is the happiest?
Ans. Maryland.

45. What did the candle say to the birthday cake?
Ans. These birthdays really burn me up.

46. What do you call a cat who ate a lemon?
Ans. A sourpuss.

47. Did you hear the story about the rope?
Ans. Skip it.

48. Why did the cherry run across the road?
Ans. He was berry scared of being eaten.

49. Did you know that Popeye was a sweet potato?
Ans. He was always saying "yam what I yam".

50. Why are potatos scared of Indians?
Ans. They don't want to be scalloped.

51. What kind of music did the cowboy make when he threw a stone in the Rio Grande?
Ans. Plunk Rock.

52. What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ans. Ground Beef.

53. What did one wall say to the other wall?
Ans. Meet you at the corner.

54. Where does an elephant keep his clothes?
Ans. In his trunk.

55. What does a banana do when it sees a ghost?
Ans. It splits.

56. Why can't a bicycle stand up by itself?
Ans. It is two tired.

57. What is a good name for a straight-back camel?
Ans. Humpfree.

58. If a king sits on gold who sits on silver?
Ans. The Lone Ranger.

59. What did the door say to the window?
Ans. You sure are a pane.

60. Why did the orange stop in the middle of the street?
Ans. It ran out of juice.

61. How do you communicate with a fish?
Ans. Drop it a line.

62. Why do witches fly on broomsticks?
Ans. Vacumn cleaners cost too much.

63. What table has no legs?
Ans. A multiplication table.

64. What person has the loudest voice?
Ans. Ice Cream (I scream) man.

65. What's the smartest animal?
Ans. A skunk cause it makes a lot of scents.

66. How are baseball teams and pancakes alike?
Ans. They both need a good batter.

67. What do you call a man who shaves 20 times a day?
Ans. A barber.

68. Where do you put noisy dogs?
Ans. Barking Lots.

69. How do you make anti-freeze?
Ans. Take away her blanket.

70. Why do turkeys eat so little?
Ans. They are always stuffed.

71. Why did Mickey Mouse go into outer space?
Ans. He wanted to find Pluto.

72. Why don't bananas ever get lonely?
Ans. They are always in bunches.

73. What has hands and a face but no body or legs?
Ans. A clock.

74. What is a ghost's favorite article of clothing?
Ans. Boo jeans.

75. How do you make 7 cookies go around?
Ans. Eat them and you have 0.

76. How do you make seven even?
Ans. Take away the letter s.

77. If seven copycats sit on a wall and one jumps off how many do you have left?
Ans. None they're copycats.

78. Why did the boy put carfare in his pajamas?
Ans. So he wouldn't have to walk in his sleep.

79. Why did the girl sleep in the sugar bowl?
Ans. So she would have sweet dreams.

80. What pet do people trip over?
Ans. Car-pet.

81. What pet costs least?
Ans. A bird because it goes cheap.

82. Why do monkeys scratch themselves?
Ans. Only they know where they itch.

83. When is it bad to have a cat cross your path?
Ans. When you're a mouse.

84. What kind of cat doesn't chase a mouse?
Ans. Cat-epiller.

85. How do cats get rich?
Ans. People put money in the kitty.

86. What car does a kitten drive?
Ans. Cat-illac.

87. What part of a book is like a fish?
Ans. The fin-ish.

88. How many months have 28 days?
Ans. They all do.

89. Why did the boy take a ladder to the music program?
Ans. The teacher wanted him to sing higher.

90. How do you clean a tuba?
Ans. With a tuba toothpaste.

91. What do astronauts eat from?
Ans. Flying saucers.

92. What kind of food do math teachers eat?
Ans. Square meals.

93. Where do math teachers buy their food?
Ans. A lunch counter.

94. What happened to the bad egg in the lunchroom?
Ans. He got egg-spelled.

95. What do frogs like to sit on?
Ans. Toadstools.

96. What kind of pills do astronauts take?
Ans. Space capsules.

97. Where do astronauts go swimming?
Ans. In the Galax-sea.VV 98. What game do astronauts play?
Ans. Moon-opoly.

99. Wh do lions eat raw meat?
Ans. They don't know how to cook.

100. How do chimps communicate?
Ans. Chimpaneese.