1. I say Esau sitting on a seesaw. How many S's does that have?
Ans. None.

2. How do fireflies start a race?
Ans. Someone says Ready Set Glow.

3. Why did the clown tell a joke to the eggs?
Ans. He wanted them to crack up.

4. What food can never become heavy weight champion of the world?
Ans. The lollipop, it always gets licked.

5. Who invented spaghetti?
Ans. Someone who used his noodle.

6. What does the Easter Bunny call it when he works out?
Ans. Egg-cercize.

7. What did one knee bone say to the other knee bone?
Ans. Let's get out of this joint.

8. What is the favorite ride of the phantom of the amusement park?
Ans. The roller ghoster.

9. Jan left home, made three left turns and when she got home again two masked men were waiting for her. Who were they?
Ans. The catcher and the umpire.

10. What makes a loaf of bread happy?
Ans. Being kneaded.

11. What does a dog have on the top of his house?
Ans. A woof.

12. What do mother mice read in their spare time?
Ans. Good Mouse Keeping.

13. What do you give a sick bird?
Ans. Tweetment.

14. Why did the mother rope scold the baby rope?
Ans. It had been knotty.

15. What do you call a happy Lassie?
Ans. A jolly collie.

16. What did the father snowman say to his son?
Ans. Fasten your sleet belt.

17. What should you do if a dog tries to eat your book?
Ans. Take the words right out of its mouth.

18. What does b come after u?
Ans. When you take its honey.

19. How do you make a raspberry swirl?
Ans. Send it to ballet school.

20. What do you see on the ground when its raing cats and dogs?
Ans. Poodles.

21. Why did the spider dance on the jar lid?
Ans. The jar said twist to open.

22. What is the best way to listen to King Kong roar?
Ans. On an ape recorder.

23. How do you find nettles in the woods?
Ans. With a nettle detecter.

24. What are scientist's favorite mints?
Ans. Experi-mints.

25. What does a tugboat use to buy things?
Ans. A barge card.

26. Why did the football team go to the telephone booth?
Ans. To get their quarter back.

27. What did the judge say to the dentist?
Ans. Do you swear to pull the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth?

28. How do spaceship crews say they are sorry?
Ans. They Apollo-gize.

29. What kind of bow can't you tie in a knot?
Ans. Rainbow.

30. What does a moose like on his hot dog?
Ans. Moose-tard.

31. What do cows use to help them with their math?
Ans. Cowculators.

32. What fish is rich?
Ans. Goldfish.

33. What do you need to ride a horse after dark?
Ans. A satelite.

34. If an apple a day keeps the doctors away, whom do onions keep away?
Ans. Everyone.

35. Where do spies do most of their grocery shopping?
Ans. At the snooper market.

36. What did one earthquake say to the other earthquake when something went wrong?
Ans. It's not my fault.

37. Why do eagles fly to the top of a high mountain?
Ans. It's too far to walk.

38. Who was the oldes settler in the west?
Ans. The sun.

39. What did the plumber say to his talkative assistant?
Ans. Pipe down.

40. What is so strange about the way a horse eats?
Ans. He eats best when there's not a bit in his mouth.

41. Why should a man always wear a watch when he travels in the desert?
Ans. Every watch has a spring.

42. What part of London is in France?
Ans. The letter N.

43. Which fish goes with a fork and knife?
Ans. Spoonfish.

44. Why would you have to pay for a codfish on delivery?
Ans. It's COD "collect on delivery".

45. Why are fish wiser than frogs?
Ans. They travel in schools.

46. Which fish has a Scotch accent?
Ans. A Mac-Kerel.

47. Which fish has five good points?
Ans. A starfish.

48. Which fish could be named Bill?
Ans. Buffalo (Buffalo Bill Cody).

49. What is the difference between a farmer and a dressmaker?
Ans. One gathers what he sows and the other sews what he gathers.

50. What is the biggest kind of ant?
Ans. Gi-ant.

51. Whhat does the new doctor doll do?
Ans. You wind it up and it operates on batteries.

52. Where did Batman plant his flowers?
Ans. Ina bataical garden.

53. Why does Batman brush his teeth with Gleem?
Ans. To help prevent bat breath.

54. Wy does Batman walk around in his pahamas?
Ans. He doesn't have a batrobe.

55. What did they say about Batman when he went crazy?
Ans. He has bells in his batfry.

56. What did they call Batman when he worked in the state department?
Ans. A diplobat.

57. Why is a woman on a deserted island like a woman in a store?
Ans. She is always looking for a sail.

58. What would the nation be if all the cars were red?
Ans. A red car nation.

59. What is the best paper to make a kite out of?
Ans. Fly Paper.

60. What did one eye say to the other eye?
Ans. Between us there's something that smells.

61. Why was the mother flea crying?
Ans. Her children had gone to the dogs.

62. What would you call a man who is always wiring for money?
Ans. An electrician.

63. Why did the man take a rope to the ballgame?
Ans. He wanted to tie up the score.

64. What is a carpet?
Ans. A pet you can keep in the car.

65. What do you say to a burrowing animal when it is in a race?
Ans. Gopher it.

66. What kind of music do you hear at the grand canyon?
Ans. Rock.

67. What do fish fear about computers?
Ans. Getting caught in the inter-net.

68. What animal is a karate expert?
Ans. A zebra cause it has black belts.

69. Why couldn't Mozart find his teacher?
Ans. His teacher was Haydn.

70. What's the best way to see Europe in the morning?
Ans. Look in the mirror and you will see Europe (you're up).

71. Why was the broom late?
Ans. He overswept.

72. What is a polygon?
Ans. A missing parrot.

73. What kind of a car does Mickey Mouse's wife drive?
Ans. A Minnie van.

74. Why did the man take a pencil to bed?
Ans. To draw the curtains.

75. Why do bees have sticky hair?
Ans. They have honeycombs.

76. What did the dirt say to the rain?
Ans. Stop pouring or my name will be mud.

77. What did the shovel say to the newspaper?
Ans. What's the scoop?

78. What kind of dance do egges like best?
Ans. The Yolky Pokey.

79. What did one tornado say to the other tornado?
Ans. Do you want to play Twister.

80. What did the dog say to the tree?
Ans. You have more bark than I do.

81. What do you get when you cross to banana peels?
ans. A pair of slippers.

82. Why did the man wear a bathing suit to work?
Ans. Because he was in a car pool.

83. What kind of waves do they have on Book Island?
Ans. Title Waves.

84. What do you call a meeting of irons?
Ans. A press conference.

85. What animal should you never play cards with?
Ans. A Cheetah.

86. Why did the cookie cry?
Ans. His mother was a wafer a long time.

87. What do you call a hippo that never stops eating?
Ans. A Hippobottomless.

88. What do you call a carousel without brakes?
Ans. A merry go round go round.

89. Why shouldn't you tell a joke while you are ice skating?
Ans. The ice might crack up.

90. What grew from the plant in the math room?
Ans. Square Roots.

91. What do you call a cricket that says one thing and does another?
Ans. A hypocricket.

92. What do geologists say about rocks?
Ans. Never take them for granite.

93. Which monkey can fly?
Ans. A hot air baboon.

94. What animals eat with their tails?
Ans. All of them since they can't take them off.

95. What grows down while growing up?
Ans. A duck.

96. Who tells knitting jokes?
Ans. Nitwits.

97. Which would win a race a carrot or a cabbage?
Ans. A cabbage because it is always a-head.

98. What do you call a person who loves hot chocolate?
Ans. A coconut.

99. Why do dragons sleep in the daytime?
Ans. They like to hunt knights.

100. What makes a person hard boiled?
Ans. Being in hot water too many times.