1. Which animal spends most of the time at school in the principal's office?
Ans. The cheetah (cheater)

2. What is the magnetic field?
Ans. Where they raise magnets.

3. What is the difference in lightning and electricity?
Ans. One is free and the other you have to pay for.

4. What did the pebble say?
Ans. I wish I were a little boulder.

5. What are the strongest days of the week?
Ans. Saturday and Sunday the rest are weekdays.

6. What is the best way to listen to King Kong's roar?
Ans. On an ape recorder.

7. What flies but never goes anywhere?
Ans. A flag.

8. How does a firefly start a race?
Ans. On your mark, get set, glow.

9. What did the cloud say to the banker?
Ans. I'll just take a raincheck.

10. What cap do you wear and never take off?
Ans. A kneecap.

11. What has ears but can't hear?
Ans. Corn on the cob.

12. If there were 20 dogs after one what time is it?
Ans. Twenty after one.

13. What kind of animal needs to be oiled?
Ans. A mouse because it squeaks.

14. Why did the man climb to the top of the restaurant?
Ans. They told him the meal was on the house.

15. Why did the banker lose his job?
Ans. He never made any cents.

16. Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
Ans. Her students were very bright.

17. What did the hat say to the hat rack?
Ans. You stay here I'll go on a head.

18. Why was the mummy sent into the game to be a pinch hitter?
Ans. Wth a mummy at ba the game would be all wrapped up.

19. What kind of horses frighten ranchers?
Ans. Nightmares.

20. When is an outlaw neither left-handed nor right-handed?
Ans. When he is underhanded.

21. What happened after the manicurist and dentist got married?
Ans. They fought tooth and nail.

22. Why doesn't the corn like the farmer?
Ans. The farmer pulls their ears.

23. How come do golfers wear two pairs of shoes?
Ans. In case they get a hole in one.

24. What kind of banks do alligators use?
Ans. River-banks.

25. What do you call a stupid mumy?
Ans. A dummy mummy.

26. Why did Mr. Stupid tiptoe past the medicine chest?
Ans. He didn't want to wake the sleeping pills.

27. What kind of scales do giants weigh themselves on?
Ans. On a Richter scale.

28. What is the smallest Mexican food?
Ans. An inch-ilada.

29. How many birds can carry a big basket?
Ans. Toucan.

30. What inventios have halped people get up in the world?
Ans. Elevator, escalator, and alarm clock.

31. What does a toad sit on?
Ans. A toadstool.

32. Why did the Cub Scout throw away his tent?
Ans. His pack leader said to pitch the tents.

33. Why did the two hairs say good-bye?
Ans. They knew they soon would be parted.

34. Why did the elephant wear green sneakers?
Ans. He wanted to hide in the grass.

35. What did the Cherry Tree say to George Washington when he tried to chop it down?
Ans. Don't ax me.

36. How did King Kong escape from his cage?
Ans. He used a monkey wrench.

37. How can you cure yourself of sleep walking?
Ans. Sprinkly thumbtacks on your bedroom floor.

38. What happens when the human body is completely surrounded by water?
Ans. The phone rings.

39. What did the happy lamp say to the grumpy lamp?
Ans. Lighten up.

40. What do you call a bunch of bees?
Ans. A good report card.

41. What did the horse say to the rider?
Ans. Get off my back.

42. Why was the little horse unhappy?
Ans. If he wanted something his mother always said neigh.

43. Why should you never gossip in a stable?
Ans. All horses carry tails.

44. If King Midas sat on gold, who sat on silver?
Ans. The Lone Ranger.

45. What type of skin did Adam and Eve wear?
Ans. Bare skin.

46. What did Jesus have in common with the whale that swallowed Jonah?
Ans. Jesus had dinner with a sinner and the whale had a sinner for dinner.

47. When did Eve eat the forbidden fruit?
Ans. Early in the fall.

48. What songs do frying pans sing?
Ans. Home on the Range.

49. What has 18 legs and catches flies?
Ans. A baseball team.

50. What did the hot dog say when it crssed the finish line?
Ans. I'm a weiner.

51. What brand of underweat does King Tut like best?
Ans. Fruit of the Tomb.

52. What do you call a rabbit with a lot of fleas?
Ans. Bugs Bunny.

53. Why is a person nose always in the middle of his face?
Ans. It is the scenter.

54. How did the firefly feel when he ran into a fan?
Ans. Delighted.

55. Why are the medievel centuries called the dark ages?
Ans. It was knight time.

56. When is a boat like a heap of snow?
Ans. When it's a-drift.

57. Why do dragons sleep in the daytime?
Ans. They like to hunt knights.

58. What makes a person hard boiled?
Ans. Being in hot water too many times.

59. Why did Santa Claus take up gardening?
Ans. He likes to hoe hoe hoe.

60. Why did the man put his car in the oven?
Ans. He wanted a hot rod.

61. What is full of holes but can still hold water?
Ans. A sponge.

62. What never was but always will be?
Ans. Tomorrow.

63. Why do dogs growl?
Ans. They never learn to swear.

64. What do you get when you cross a dog and a cat?
Ans. An animal that chases itself.

65. When is a black cat most likely caught going into a house?
Ans. When the door is open.

66. What kind of kitten works for a doctor?
Ans. A first aid kit.

67. Why did the cat make a hole in the rug?
Ans. He wanted to see the floor show.

68. What do you get if you cross an alley cat and a canary?
Ans. A peeping Tom.

69. When is it bad luck to have a striped cat follow you?
Ans. When you are a mouse.

70. What grows down while growing up?
Ans. A duck.

71. Who tells knitting jokes?
Ans. Nitwits.

72. How is a candle hurt after it has been lighted?
Ans. It gets glowing pains.

73. What did the light switch say to the boy?
Ans. You turn me on.

74. Why didn't the man return a borrowed book?
Ans. He was a bookkeeper.

75. What pliers go to math class?
Ans. Multi-pliers.

76. What is a pimple?
Ans. A dimple going the wrong way.

77. What did one magnet say to the other magnet?
Ans. You're catching on.

78. What always comes into the house through a keyhole?
Ans. A key.

79. Which would win a race; a carrot or a cabbage?
Ans. A cabbage because it's always a-head.

80. What do you call a person who loves hot chocolate?
Ans. A coconut.

81. What do you call someone who eats her father's sister?
Ans. An aunt-eater.

82. What do you call a person who runs an ice cream truck?
Ans. A sundea driver.

83. What do you call a person who is fed up with people?
Ans. A cannibal.

84. How does a hot dog speak?
Ans. Frankly.

85. What happened to the boy who swallowed a spoon?
Ans. He couldn't stir.

86. What has its heart in its head?
Ans. Lettuce.

87. When spanked by a father and a mother who hurts most?
Ans. The one being spanked.

88. What did the beaver say to the tree?
Ans. Its nice gnawing you.

89. Why do fish perspire?
Ans. To make the sea salty.

90. What kind of paper do you use to make a kite?
Ans. Flypaper.

91. What is pointed in one direction and headed in the other?
Ans. A nail.

92. What is the best cure for insomnia?
Ans. A good night's sleep.

93. Why is the letter d dangerous?
Ans. It makes ma mad.

94. How can you keep milk from getting sour?
Ans. Keep it in the cow.

95. Why is a bull in the house like a fire?
Ans. The sooner it is put out the better.

96. Why did the farmer feed his cow money?
Ans. He wanted rich milk.

97. What would you get if you cross a cow and a turtle?
Ans. A turtlenecked jersy.

98. What do you get if you take half from half a dollar?
Ans. A dollar.

99. What is the best day for a picnic?
Ans. Sunday.

100. What eight letter word has only one letter in it?
Ans. Envelope.