1. Where can you always find money?
Ans. In the dictionary.

2. What has a head and a foot but can't think or walk?
Ans. A hill.

3. Where do frogs sit at mealtime?
Ans. On toadstools.

4. What did the jack say to the car?
Ans. Can I give you a lift?

5. What is the principal part of a horse?
Ans. The mane part.

6. What can be served but not eaten?
Ans. A tennis ball.

7. What do you call the good lions in the jungle?
Ans. Dandelions.

8. What did the mother scissors say to the baby scissors?
Ans. Cut it out.

9. What part of the newspaper has the most math in it?
Ans. The ad section.

10. Why does a stork stand on one leg?
Ans. If it picked up the other one it would fall.

11. Why is a bridge like money?
Ans. It goes from bank to bank.

12. How do you make pants last?
Ans. Make the coat first.

13. What two letters do teeth hate the most?
Ans. D K.

14. What goes around the world but doesn't move?
Ans. The equator.

15. What did the Cinderella fish wear to the ball?
Ans. Glass flippers.

16. What subject do cats like to study in school?
Ans. Mew-sic.

17. Why did the city boy put wings on a horse?
Ans. He wanted to see a horsefly.

18. Why is the sky so high?
Ans. So birds won't bump their heads.

19. What does a pig in Alaska live in?
Ans. Pigloo.

20. What do puppies sleep in when they go camping?
Ans. A pup tent.

21. How does a witch tell time?
Ans. With a witch watch.

22. What do you call a skeleton?
Ans. Lazy Bones.

23. How do you make varnish disappear?
Ans. Take out the r and you get vanish.

24. Why did the little horse have to have cough medicine?
Ans. It had a colt.

25. What kind of ship never sinks?
Ans. Friendship.

26. What's as big as a rocket but weighs nothing?
Ans. The rocket's shadow.

27. What's the magic word that flattens dough?
Ans. Presto (press dough).

28. Why does a giraffe eat so little?
Ans. A little goes a long way.

29. How far can you go into the woods?
Ans. Halfway and then you would be going out.

30. What is red and goes click click?
Ans. A ball point radish.

31. What's the best way to talk to a monster?
Ans. Long distance.

32. Why did the cow cross the road?
Ans. It was the chicken's day off.

33. Who makes faces all day?
Ans. A worker in a clock factory.

34. Why were the bones chasing the skull?
Ans. They wanted to get ahead.

35. What were the pictures last words?
Ans. First they frame me then they hang me.

36. What do you call a line of rabbits walking backwards?
Ans. A receding hare line.

37. What is slithery and good at counting?
Ans. An adder.

38. How do you call a washing machine repairman?
Ans. By using the telefoam.

39. What do pigs use when they fall down and scrape their knees?
Ans. Oinkment.

40. What do you call a Russian get together?
Ans. A Soviet reunion.

41. What do ducks put on their Christmas tree?
Ans. Duckorations.

42. What do you use to repair a ruler?
Ans. Measuring tape.

43. Where do baby cows eat?
Ans. Calfeteria.

44. How did the rocket lose its job?
Ans. It got fired.

45. Why does a hummingbird hum?
Ans. It forgot the words.

46. What is a dinosaur after he is four days old?
Ans. Five days old.

47. What does a monster eat for lunch?
Ans. Vampire pizza and creepy cola.

48. What do vampires do at work?
Ans. Take a coffin break.

49. What animal plays baseball?
Ans. A bat.

50. What pine has the shortest needles?
Ans. A porcupine.

51. Why does a cow wear a bell?
Ans. Its horns don't work.

52. What moves around and around never touching the ground?
Ans. A Ferris Wheel.

53. Why did the little vampire stay up all night?
Ans. To study for a blood test.

54. Why do fireflies do so well in school?
Ans. Because they are so bright.

55. Why did the duck do well in school?
Ans. He was a wise quacker.

56. Why did the two headed monster do so well in school?
Ans. Two heads are better than one.

57. Why do elephants do well in school?
Ans. They have a lot of grey matter.

58. How do you know the balloon did well in school?
Ans. He went to the top of his class.

59. Why did the little witch flunk out of school?
Ans. She couldn't spell.

60. Why did the owl do poorly in school?
Ans. He didn't give a hoot.

61. What is lower with a head on it than without one?
Ans. A pillow.

62. Where will you find the center of gravity?
Ans. At the letter v.

63. When can you see through a friends?
Ans. When she has a pain in her stomach.

64. What did the bad frog say to the good frog?
Ans. I hope you croak.

65. What kind of robbery isn't dangerous?
Ans. A safe robbery.

66. What kind of book can start a fire.
Ans. A book of matches.

67. What do you do before you wash a car?
Ans. Get it dirty.

68. Why should you never name a baby boy Clifff?
Ans. No one would want to drop over to see him.

69. What is raised in many countries where rainfall is heavy?
Ans. An umbrella.

70. What has a head but no body?
Ans. A head of lettuce.

71. What has a neck but no head?
Ans. A bottle.

72. What would you call a nervous Trannosausus Rex?
Ans. A nervous Rex.

73. Why do baseball games have to be played at night?
Ans. The bats sleep in the daytime.

74. There was a red house, a blue house, and a white house. The red house was on the right. The blue house is on the left. Where is the white house?
Ans. Washington D C.

75. Why did the chicken cross the playground?
Ans. To get to the other slide.

76. How do you keep a dog from eating chocolate cake?
Ans. Give him a piece of coconut cake.

77. What did the girl volcano say to the boy volcano?
Ans. Do you still lava me like I lava you?
78. Who was purple and conquered the world?
Ans. Alexander the Grape.

79. How can a baseball team win 7-0 if not a single person touched home plate?
Ans. All the players who scored were married.

80. What did the bee say to the flower?
Ans. Hi bud what time do you open?

81. Where do bats get their energy?
Ans. From batteries.

82. Why did the man bring a rope to the ball game?
Ans. He wanted to tie the score.

83. Where do mermaids sleep?
Ans. In their waterbeds.

84. Where does Friday come before Thursday?
Ans. In the dictionary.

85. How can you tell if a planet is married?
Ans. It has a ring around it.

86. What is a dog's favorite book?
Ans. Captains Curageous.

87. If April showers bring May flowers what do May flowers bring?
Ans. Pilgrims.

88. Where do burgers dance?
Ans. At a meat ball.

89. Who taught Superman to tell time?
Ans. Clock Kent.

90. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
Ans. At the bottom.

91. What roof covers the noisiest tenant?
Ans. The roof of the mouth.

92. When is a house like a bird?
Ans. When it has wings.

93. Why is a mobleman like a book?
Ans. He has a title.

94. When is hair like a stick of wood?
Ans. When it's knotted.

95. Why is an island like the letter T?
Ans. It is right in the center of water.

96. When is a geometrical figure like a lost person?
Ans. When it's a polygon.

97. When is a doctor most annoyed?
Ans. When he is out of patience.

98. Why is Westminster Abbey like a fireplace?
Ans. It contains the ashes of the great.

99. Why is the end of the day like a tin can ties to the end of a dog's tail?
Ans. Both are bound to occur (a cur).

100. Why are birds so excited in the morning?
Ans. Their bills are all over dew.