1. What makes heat waves?
Ans. A hot ocean.

2. What day of the year is an order to move forward?
Ans. March 4th.

3. What can you hold withou touching?
Ans. Your breath.

4. What is the longest a nose can grow?
Ans. Eleven inches cause one more inch and it would be a foot.

5. Why is a toupee like a secret?
Ans. You keep them under your hat.

6. Who is a sound sleeper?
Ans. Someone who snores.

7. Why did the class clown give the girl a dog biscuit?
Ans. She was the teacher's pet.

8. What did one tonsil say to the other tonsil?
Ans. Better get dressed the doctor is taking us out tonight.

9. What did one tomato say to the other tomato?
Ans. Catch up.

10. What do ants marry?
Ans. Uncles.

11. How does a pony have fun?
Ans. He horses around.

12. Where do you take a sick boat?
Ans. To the dock.

13. Why did the little boy bury his flashlight?
Ans. The batteries were dead.

14. What do you call a test given to a criminal?
Ans. A con test.

15. Where do polar bears vote?
Ans. North Pole.

16. Where do dead cowboys go on Saturday night?
Ans. To a ghost town.

17. What is a volcano?
Ans. A mountain with the hiccups.

18. Why did the banker lose his job?
Ans. He never made any cents.

19. Why was the mummy sent into the game to be a pinch hitter?
Ans. With a mummy at bat the game would be all wrapped up.

20. What kind of horses frighten ranchers?
Ans. Nightmares.

21. What do you tell someone with ringing ears?
Ans. Answer them.

22. What person adds best in hot weather?
Ans. Summer.

23. What is the laziest mountain in the world?
Ans. Mount Ever-rest.

24. Why is the sun able to stay up in the air?
Ans. It has so many beams.

25. What did one knife say to the other knife?
Ans. You are looking sharp today.

26. What is always behind the time?
Ans. The back of a clock.

27. What did Ben Franklin say when he invented electricity?
Ans. Nothing he was in shock.

28. Why did the girl put lipstick on her forehead?
Ans. She wanted to make up your mind.

29. Why is a riddle like a poor pencil?
Ans. Neither of them has a point.

30. What has an arm but can't raise it?
Ans. A chair.

31. Who belongs to the monster PTA?
Ans. Mummies and deadies.

32. What was the football coach looking for in outer space?
Ans. An all star team.

33. What does a computer call its mother and father?
Ans. Mama and Data.

34. What travels faster heat or cold?
Ans. Heat cause you can catch cold.

35. Why did grandma put roller skates on her rocking chair?
Ans. She wanted to rock and roll.

36. Why didn't the scientist allow the sick eagle into the lab?
Ans. It was illegal.

37. What is a werewolf's favorite tune
Ans. "By The Light Of The SIlvery Moon".

38. What do you get when you put butter on your bed?
Ans. Bed spread.

39. What kind of dots dance?
Ans. Polka dots.

40. Why did the cowboy put a whistle in his hat?
Ans. He wanted to blow his top.

41. Why did the little strawberry cry?
Ans. Its mother was in a jam.

42. What eats everything in sight but doesn't drink?
Ans. Fire.

43. Do rabbits use combs?
Ans. No they use hare brushes.

44. Who pulled the biggest hold up in history?
Ans. Atlas he held up the world.

45. What do you call an outlaw armed with four loaded revolvers?
Ans. Sir.

46. What kind of fur do you get from outlaws?
Ans. As fur as you can.

47. What kind of board should never be bored?
Ans. A bulletin board.

48. What goes through water but never gets wet?
Ans. Sunlight.

49. What do polite lambs say to their mothers?
Ans. Thank ewe.

50. What happens when oxen crash into each other?
Ans. An oxident.

51. What is a locomotive?
Ans. It is a crazy reason for doing something.

52. What type of tax does a hitch hiker pay?
Ans. Thumb Tax.

53. How often does a catterpiller become more likeable?
Ans. Every time he turns over a new leaf.

54. When does your pocket have something in it but it is empty?
Ans. When it has a hole in it.

55. What kind of water can't freeze?
Ans. Hot water.

56. What dog always has a fever?
Ans. A hot dog.

57. What is white and goes up?
Ans. A confused snowflake.

58. Which candle burns longer a red one or a blue one?
Ans. Neither, they both burn shorter.

59. What pets make good music?
Ans. Trumpets.

60. What animals are in banks?
Ans. Does and Bucks.

61. When is a store like a boat?
Ans. When it has sales.

62. What cake makes its own eggs?
Ans. A layer cake.

63. What do you do at a dude ranch?
Ans. Horse around.

64. What ring is best for a telephone?
Ans. Answering.

65. What coat has the most sleeves?
Ans. A coat of arms.

66. What do you call a person who kills leopards?
Ans. A spot remover.

67. What kind of monkey eats potato chips?
Ans. A chipmunk.

68. How do you know a camel is always ready to fight?
Ans. It always has its back up.

69. When does a chimp chase a banana?
Ans. When it splits.

70. What animal doesn't play fair?
Ans. A cheetah.

71. What do bears have that no other animal has?
Ans. Baby bears.

72. What did the fork say to the spoon?
Ans. Nothing forks can't talk.

73. What's worse than raining cats and dogs?
Ans. Hailing buses.

74. What is Sleeping Beauty's maid's name?
Ans. Sweeping Beauty.

75. What two things can a monster never have for breakfast?
Ans. Lunch and Dinner.

76. What time is it when the clock strikes 13?
Ans. Time to get a new clock.

77. What would you get if you crossed an ocean and a thief?
Ans. A crime wave.

78. What has four wheels and flies?
Ans. A garbage truck.

79. Why did the jelly roll?
Ans. It saw the apple turn-over.

80. When is a tree like a woman's coat?
Ans. When it is a fir.

81. Why can't it rain two days in a row?
Ans. There's a night in between.

82. What did the guitar say to the rock star?
Ans. Stop picking on me.

83. What kind of house weighs the least?
Ans. A lighthouse.

84. Why did the dragon breathe on the map of the world?
Ans. He wanted to set the world on fire.

85. Why did the cowboy saddle up the phonograph record?
Ans. He wanted to be a disc jockey.

86. What has more lives than a cat?
Ans. A frog it croaks every night.

87. What do you get when you cross a baseball player with vegetables?
Ans. A tossed salad.

88. What does a banana use suntan lotion?
Ans. To stop from peeling.

89. Why is a room full of married people empty?
Ans. There is not a single person in it.

90. Why doesn't a grizzly bear wear shoes?
Ans. Because he wants bear feet.

91. How did the sheriff find the missing barber?
Ans. He combed the town.

92. What kind of home does a buffalo roam?
Ans. A very dirty one.

93. Why is the soil along the river rich?
Ans. There are banks on both sides.

94. Why did the ghost go to the disco?
Ans. He was a boogie man.

95. How do you know flowers are lazy?
Ans. You always find them in bed.

96. What is the best butter in the world?
Ans. A goat.

97. What is the best thing to put in pie?
Ans. Your teeth.

98. What can float and sink at the same time.
Ans. An egg.

99. What animal grows skin but has skin that doesn't grow?

Ans. A snake.

100. Why is a lollipop like a horse?
Ans. The more it is licked the faster it goes.